Latest from Adam Albanese
MANCANDLING
'Beauty and the Beast on Ice' performer gets 2 minutes for roughing
Actor and seasoned skater Nate DuPuis was sent back to his dressing room for two full minutes on a disciplinary roughing call.
JOINT CUSTODY
New Ford F-150 comes with two boys who are at their mother's place most of the week
The Ford motor company will be equipping their 2018 F-150 truck with two boys who are at their mother’s place most of the week.
FRIES WITH THAT?
Juilliard to cut the crap and become actual bartending school
After serious pressure from disappointed alumni, legendary Manhattan arts school Juilliard will now completely refashion itself to train students for careers in the food and beverage industry.
SWOLE
GoodLife Fitness will now allow members to enter other commercial establishments
In a new summer promotion, Canadian fitness juggernaut GoodLife Fitness will for the first time allow its members to enter other establishments that engage in commercial activity.
INVENTED BASKETBALL
Michael Jordan 100% unfazed by new wooden Air Naismith sneaker
Named for the inventor of basketball Canadian doctor James Naismith, the heavy, unforgiving sneaker is said to add approximately “three slivers to your jump shot.”
MOTHER'S DAY
Local mom considering comedy career after 'I need my Monday coffee!' meme gets 9 likes on Facebook
Move over, Amy Schumer!
FEMINISM
Trump officially declares 12:33:18:09 pm International Women's Millisecond
Insisting that a whole day is simply too much, President Donald J. Trump has declared 12:33:18:09 pm International Women’s Millisecond.
PREDICTABLE
Tightrope sprinter dies of known causes
While friends and family applaud Twinkle Toes’ bravery, they concede that his life may have been spared had he bothered to practice the art even once beforehand.
CHARITY
Make-A-Wish kid regretting choice of Jon Lovitz
“It was either Lovitz or that guy who used to host Hollywood Squares,” he lamented.
DOOMED TO SUCCEED
Couple files for marriage citing irreconcilable similarities
After spending several hours with their respective attorneys, Graham Davies and his fiancé Shauna Ford have officially announced that they will be filing for marriage.