New Ford F-150 comes with two boys who are at their mother's place most of the week

DEARBORN, MI—After realizing that every last purchaser of the F-150 model was a divorced father of two with joint custody, the Ford motor company will be equipping their 2018 F-150 truck with two boys who are at their mother's place most of the week.

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"It got to a point where the sales people kept hearing 'I can't come in this weekend, I have my boys. Can we do Thursday instead? I've got my boys,'" said one executive. "We just thought, well, why aren't we providing the actual boys? It'll be a great value-add."

Under the new guidelines, as soon as the lease or purchase agreement for the truck is signed, two random boys between the ages of six and nine will dart out from the back of the showroom and rambunctiously jump around on the cab of the truck before being sent back to their mother's house for several days.

The boys will demand that the new vehicle owner stop at McDonalds on the way and then fight for the remainder of the ride about how each stole the other's Happy Meal toy. They will then tell on one another for various instances of misbehaviour, and crying spells will ensue. Mandatory and insincere apologies will then be exchanged before one of them abruptly falls asleep.

With social media buzz already growing, the Ford research and development team is hard at work on many more divorce-related upgrades, such as a touch-and-click app that falsifies your annual income, a GPS system that stalls the engine when you get within a two-mile radius of your ex-wife's home, and an infrared birth certificate modifier that will make your kids eighteen and finally able to support themselves financially.

Ford began contemplating value-adds in earnest late last year when Dodge Ram outperformed them in the marketplace after offering customers a complimentary goatee and denim shirt with cut-off sleeves.

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