Don't even TALK to me until I've had my coffee, and then please continue to not talk to me

Um, have you even met me? I am just a MONSTER in the mornings! Sorry guys, but it's true. Now, I say this for your own good: do not come anywhere NEAR me, like, do not even approach me at all, and certainly do NOT speak any words at me — until I have had my coffee!

Once I've got a nice warm cuppa joe in me, THEN AND ONLY THEN we can agree that it would be best for you to continue to not come anywhere near me or talk to me.

I dislike most people and the vast majority of the time, human interaction is an immense effort with little discernible reward. So! Let's just all get on the same page here: before I've had coffee? You'd be wise to steer clear. After? Same deal. Exactly the same. No different in any way.

I apologize for being such a huge-ass grump, but I'm just one of those people who take a really long time to wake up. I'm also one of those people who, once fully awake, does not wish to engage with society. Sorry!

Listen, just so everyone's clear and there's zero ambiguity, I'm having a really zany and whimsical mug custom-made! I plan to use it at the office, at home, and take it with me to friends' cottages and overseas when I travel. Are you even ready for what it says??! God, it's just HYSTERICAL.

"Don't Even Talk To Me Until I Finish My Coffee!" it proclaims on the front, and now, this is where it gets — well, a bit complicated, just from a design perspective. "I Would Also Appreciate It If You Continued To Not Talk To Me After The Coffee As Well Because I Don't —" and then it sort of, see it has to, just, you know, wrap around the entire mug, or another option the designer put forth is that we could bring the font size down to about 7 or 8, which would allow all of the text to be on the front of the mug, BUT makes it extremely difficult for people to read, which kind of defeats the purpose.

We're still working out the kinks. A mug might be too small for this enterprise. I may have to change it to a cloak.

I'll keep you updated via telepathy, as I'm certainly not going to talk to you, now am I?

You've been warned.

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