Latest from Darren Springer
TICK TOCK
If Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson are not married by the end of the year, I will unleash hell on Gotham City
People of Gotham: prepare to meet your doom! I am the Purple Scorpion, and unless my terms are met, I will be your destroyer.
OH HEY
Man engaged in painful wait to reply to text so he won't look like total loser
“I just think it would look kind of pathetic if I reply immediately,” explained Elliott, who had already typed out his message and was staring at the time on his phone and waiting for 10 minutes to pass.
THE PUGLY TRUTH
Pug daydreaming about murdering owner who placed bowtie on him
The bowtie in question was purchased at a dog grooming store called Canine Couture for the purpose of taking photos for Instagram and Facebook.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
Five tips for beating the summer heat on Bryan Adams's yacht without him knowing you're there
Here are some tips for enjoying the amenities on Bryan Adams's boat Run to You without him sensing your presence and punting you headlong into Lake Ontario!
ICE QUEEN
Queen Victoria's 5 greatest NHL goals
Victoria spent more than 80 years as a right-winger for the Windsor Spitfires of the Ontario Hockey League before getting chosen by the Calgary Flames in the first round of the 1985 NHL Entry Draft.
CRY FOR HELP
'Thank God my friend bailed on hanging out!' exclaims desperately lonely woman
“I love this—now I can just stay in, order Domino’s, and watch Netflix,” added Funk, naming three activities she has engaged in every night for the last week, and a routine she had been extremely eager to disrupt.
I DON'T THINK SO
National Gaslighters' Association announces it doesn't exist and you're being crazy
In a press conference held at what it denies is its headquarters, the National Gaslighters’ Association announced today that it does not exist, and that anyone who claims otherwise is either outright lying or, quite frankly, needs help.
5 first date ideas that won't break the bank or your string of miserable first dates
Bad news: all of these potential outings are certain to result in a truly terrible time for you and your companion. Sorry. We really tried!