Queen Victoria's 5 greatest NHL goals
Every year in May, Canadians celebrate Victoria Day, a holiday commemorating the birthday of Queen Victoria, who served as Queen of England from 1837 to 1901.
Victoria's accomplishments didn't stop there, however.
Following her abdication of the throne after an arrest for cocaine possession, Victoria spent more than 80 years as a right-winger for the Windsor Spitfires of the Ontario Hockey League before getting chosen by the Calgary Flames in the first round of the 1985 NHL Entry Draft.
Her 18-year Hall of Fame pro career saw her become the only player to be named both Empress of India and Best Defensive Forward. Of her 658 career goals, here are the five most memorable:
October 15, 1985: Victoria's first NHL goal came in her second game, a 4-2 loss against the St. Louis Blues. Victoria masterfully deked out Blues goalie Rick Wamsley by reading a passionate, tender letter she'd once written to her rumoured lover, her Scottish attendant John Brown, then slipping a wrist shot through the fivehole. Her Majesty would go on to win the Calder Trophy for Rookie of the Year, while Wamsley would later write and direct the 1997 biopic about Victoria and John's relationship, Mrs. Brown.
June 5, 1989: Victoria cemented her place in Flames history by scoring the winning goal in Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals on a breakaway after exiting the penalty box. Following the game, Victoria dedicated her winning tally to all seven of the men who attempted to assassinate her during her reign. "I hope you're all in hell choking on Satan's saliva, you impotent nitwits," sneered the Queen, who remains the oldest person to have their name on Lord Stanley's Cup at the age of 167.
November 10, 1993: Victoria's marker as a member of the Pittsburgh Penguins in a 4-2 loss to the New York Islanders is notable less for the goal itself, an easy rebound tap-in, than for the circumstances surrounding it. During her reign, Victoria exuded calm and benevolence, a stark contrast to her hockey career, during which she earned the nickname "Hunter" due to her fondness for spearing. Her tendency to play rough reached its nadir following this particular goal. Immediately following the referee's whistle, Victoria skated over to Islanders forward Pierre Turgeon and cross-checked him from behind into the boards. Turgeon suffered a concussion and missed the next 22 games. When asked by a reporter what motivated the attack, Her Majesty shrugged, spit a wad of chewing tobacco into a spittoon, and snarled, "Cost of doin' f#&$in' business, I guess."
February 22, 1996: Victoria earned one of 16 career hat tricks in this 6-3 Pittsburgh win over the Buffalo Sabres. It was the second of the three goals that hockey historians frequently hail as the most dazzling in the sport's history. Starting from behind her own net, Victoria stick- handled around two forwards, signed a photo of herself that was thrust into her face by a six-year-old Dickensian orphan, faked out both Buffalo defensemen, gave a speech vowing a swift end to the Irish potato famine, delivered a bitter denunciation of former British Foreign Secretary Lord Palmerston, then blasted a slapshot top-shelf past Sabres goalie Dominik Hasek. In his recent book 99: Stories of the Game, Wayne Gretzky describes the goal as "a rare, breathtaking display of both offensive skill and British diplomacy."
April 7, 2003: The Queen's final pro goal, which came as a member of the New Jersey Devils, was the deciding goal in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals against Anaheim. Victoria fended off an Anaheim defenseman with a thunderous check, then took a pass in the slot from Patrick Elias and one-timed it past Ducks goalie Jean-Sebastien Giguere. Following her final sip from the Cup, the Queen was loaded into a hot-air balloon and ascended to the heavens, where she plays tambourine to this day as a member of heaven's All-Star Band, alongside Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, and the guy from Blind Melon.
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