Former inmate says the one thing lonelier than addiction is prison
Johanne Wendy Bariteau says prison may be necessary, but the loneliness that goes with it isn’t.
In 2010, Johanne Wendy Bariteau was found guilty of second degree murder.
A former real estate agent, Bariteau was dealing with a drug addiction at the time.
"I was extremely lonely," she says. "I was literally isolating myself to use drugs and the more I did that, the more I became lonely. And the more I became lonely — it was a vicious cycle — the more I was using."
Bariteau says Nicolas Terranova had come to her apartment to deliver cocaine when the two got into an altercation, resulting in his death.
Unsatisfied with her counsel's claim that she'd been acting in self defence, a jury determined Terranova had been murdered, and Bariteau went to prison.
Life's lonelier behind bars
"It's being lonely, surrounded by people," she explains. "Friendships are hard to come by. Trust is hard to come by."
Bariteau says despite the loneliness of being a drug addict, prison was an unprecedented challenge for her.
"At the beginning you start making friendships, and then they leave. And then you start building up new friendships, and then they leave."
She says you eventually stop trying.
"It's hard to relate to people when everybody's feeling the same loneliness or emptiness or fear of rapprochement."
Loneliness of prison a recipe for bad neighbours
Today, Bariteau is an advocate for prison reform, but she's not an abolitionist. She says she believes in the concept of answering for your actions, but that the loneliness of being behind bars doesn't benefit anyone.
"Everybody that's in prison right now will eventually become your neighbour," she explains.
The experience of being newly released — and readjusting to life on the outside — is one that she's dealing with right now.
"Who do you want as your neighbour?" Johanne Wendy asks. "Do you want an inmate that's coming out PO'ed about life and angry about how he was treated? Or do you want someone that comes out well-rounded?"
'Not only bad things happen in jail'
Fortunately for Bariteau, the loneliness she was forced to confront in prison became something she could learn from.
"Not only bad things happen in jail," she says now. "What I did was I tamed my loneliness. I learned to live with it. I learned to stay in my room and be comfortable with myself."
Bariteau says that kind of comfort is something we should all work toward, no matter our circumstances.
"You can be alone with yourself and love yourself and be happy with yourself no matter where you are."
Still, the former inmate says not everyone in prison will be able to "tame" their loneliness the way she did — and that's something that should worry those of us on the outside.
"Unfortunately right now… the trend is going to isolation. It's getting community out of the prison," she says.
As far as Johanne Wendy's concerned, that's a trend that's only going to make reintegration harder.
"Community needs to get involved, because we are going to be part of your community."
This story appears in the Out in the Open episode "The Lonely Road"