'I do grab anything I can to move on in life': Dealing with loneliness in the senior years

Every Wednesday, a van comes to pick up Clara Mottershead, Delia Hughes and Irene Little from their homes and drops them off at the West Vancouver Seniors' Activity Centre to attend the Ladies Social Club. 

And, they've since become fast friends.

"I feel very close to them. I feel that we are kindred spirits," said Mottershead, who is 102 years old. "It's stimulating, and that's what you need." 

"We just meet and we never know what we're going to talk about. But, something comes up and then the next thing you know, we're off and we're talking again and having fun," said Hughes.

Loneliness among Canada's seniors has been called an epidemic and a public health crisis by at least one psychologist.

All three women agree that loneliness is something to deal with, rather than dwell on.

Loneliness as a senior

But is loneliness different in one's older years?

Little, who doesn't want to reveal her age, says that it is, that the struggle with loneliness as a senior is often tied to less mobility and less energy.

"This type of loneliness is a creation of getting old and maybe losing your health," she said.

It's also when friends start passing away.

"I had one friend who phoned me and she said, 'Oh, I didn't phone you for ages. I was so frightened cause you might not be there!'"  

Just keep busy

For Little, the biggest change in her life was the death of her spouse. That's when it hit her that she was really on her own. But Little is the type of person that has to keep moving. 

She does not wake up thinking, "I'm so lonely." She wakes up thinking, "What am I going to do today?"

Nowadays, she keeps busy by going to the Senior's Centre. She's been going for the past 35 years, first as a volunteer. She's also passionate about gardening and has taken up watercolours.

Little has had a long and fulfilling life, and says that loneliness will always be something to overcome. Her weekly meeting with Mottershead and Hughes help. 

"The loneliness you have in your life … [it] is a thing that is part of life. I think so," said Little.

Seniors get different treatment

Sometimes, Little's feelings of loneliness have more to do with other people and how they treat her.

"An older person has a lot of respect. And if they're not treated [right], or treated like children, or people don't have time to listen to them … their respect goes. Their confidence goes."

That's why many older people stay home and don't want to go anywhere, she said.

"Because they know that people aren't going to lend you an ear for that. I'm pretty strong, but I still feel very much that sometimes I'm totally alone. Because you start to talk to a person, and you know they're not listening … I don't know a cure for that though."

This can make Little  feel ignored. 

"What they don't understand is that your face may be older, your body may be older, but your brain is still there. I mean, there may be some where that is an exception, but that isn't their fault. But it hurts."

This story appears in the Out in the Open episode "The Lonely Road"