New year, same me

This is a First Person column by Evelyn Bradley, a Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) consultant based in Charlottetown, P.E.I. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

There is a judgment assigned to young professionals: if we are not working every second of every day, then we are not productive members of society.

The idea that productivity denotes worth is exacerbated with qualifiers like gay, brown and immigrant. The idea that we should work harder than anyone else (or, at the bare minimum, as hard) is coupled with cultural expectations and an inability to fail.

As individuals with intersecting identities, we can't afford to; the societal risks associated with our failure are greater and more detrimental to long-term success. We should want to work hard to gain respect, affirmation and ultimately achievement.

Those tangible worth-based indicators are what validate our existence, and the pandemic exploited those insecurities. 

Those of us who are present on social media fell prey to doing what Twitter Aunties everywhere told us to do: we monetized our hobbies while working from home, we doubled down on the societal beauty standards that suggest gym bodies are the only loveable bodies and we read every prolific book that Goodreads told us to.

In short: we hustled. 

Hustle culture vs. self care

Hustle culture has given rise to "self care" mantras in response to the burnout that hustling caused.

We now see an entire movement devoted to relaxation and minimalism, as if decluttering your kitchen will help you process the pandemic and the deterioration of your mental health due to overworking yourself.

There is a disconnect between burnout and the remedy for it. 

This year, I decided that my goals would not be productivity-based. I wasn't going to lean into the societal trap of being someone "new." ​​​​The old me, the current me, is who she is. I like her — despite the societal pressure to not.— Evelyn Bradley

Personally, I will never be in a position to not work. Not because it is a choice. I am not "better" than anyone because I overwork myself. I just do not have the ability to pay my bills, feed my family or elevate myself from simply surviving to genuinely thriving if "self care" looks like quitting my job to embrace my own Atlantic Canadian version of Eat, Pray, Love.

In short, my mother did not raise three intelligent children while working 12-hour shifts as a medical professional for me to drop everything in the name of self-care. 

New year, who's this? 

When people ask what my New Year's resolutions are, I often find myself scrambling to come up with a response. I say "reading more" or "leaning into the hobbies I neglected last year," but what I am actually doing is answering in a way that makes me seem both productive and emotionally/spiritually "woke."

The sentiment of seeming socially acceptable, coupled with the crippling need to lean into the cultural expectation of success, is compounded for many people with intersectional identities during this time of year.

This year, I decided that my goals would not be productivity-based. I wasn't going to lean into the societal trap of being someone "new."

The old me, the current me, is who she is. I like her — despite the societal pressure to not. My hips keep me upright even if they are thicker than what is considered beautiful. My face is my face, even if advertising suggests I need eye cream. My observations and the lens through which I view the world is valid, even if I receive monthly feedback that suggests my lens has no place on the Island I now call home. 

This year is not the year of productivity and it is not the year of doing (or not doing) to seem relevant. It is the year of refusing to allow my entire identity to be the "girl boss" caricature of every social media fantasy and to instead be authentically honest, radically vulnerable and unapologetically my whole self. 

For more stories about the experiences of Black Canadians — from anti-Black racism to success stories within the Black community — check out Being Black in Canada, a CBC project Black Canadians can be proud of. You can read more stories here.