Happy marriage secrets: How 5 couples came together and stayed together

Getting married may seem like the hard part with all the organization and expense, but staying married is where the actual work takes place.

CBC Corner Brook, as part of a series on weddings, asked five couples who've been together for 50 years or more what advice they'd give to couples who are just starting out.

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Whit and Lynn Kean

One fateful softball game is what brought Whit and Lynn Kean together. The scene? The summer of 1963, Labrador City. Whit was working as the recreation director, while Lynn was playing on field. As Lynn remembers it, "He was coaching the opposite team and I did not like him." That changed, and they've been together for 50 years.

Lynn says the secret to their success is simple: "Perseverance, and patience. Take the time to listen, not hear, but listen what your spouse is saying, whether it's good or bad."

Whit agrees, and adds that it's important for a husband and wife to share. "We've had our highs, lows, as most people do, but if there's any advice we'd like to give, I think it would be to listen to each other."

The two are now retired and living in Grand Falls-Windsor, and despite 50 years of marriage, they say they're as strong as ever.
Lynn says, "I think we're each other's best friends, more so now than we have ever been." 

"Ever been," Whit echoes. 

Carman and Rhoda Bailey from Hant's Harbour

For the Baileys, a fateful bus ride in 1964 introduced Carman and Rhoda. "It was on a bus travelling back and forth from St John's at that time," says Rhoda. It didn't take them long to walk down the aisle. Within six months, they were married.

Carman says their mutual support is what kept them strong. Rhoda agrees.

"I think you have to help each other. There's times that I know I could kill Carman and there's times that he could kill me," she says with a laugh."But you work out those times and you work through them, and I guess it's the love that keeps you together." 

"Marriage is what you make it," Carman adds. "You gotta work at it sometimes."

For young couples looking to get engaged, Rhoda says the first couple of years are the hardest. "In our case, we didn't really know each other, so it was a learning experience."

Despite any struggles in the early years of marriage, Rhoda encourages any young spouses to work at it, "and let love bring you through." 

Maxwell and Betty Mercer from Shearstown

​Betty Mercer can thank her older brother for meeting her husband of 53 years.

"We lived close together in the same little community," she says, "he'd always come to my house and things started like that."

"She is the boss. Always," he says is the number one lesson after 50 years of marriage.

The two spend much of their free time outdoors, hunting, fishing and camping, even today. Although Betty's battled cancer and lives with diabetes, she applied for a moose licence earlier this year. They also keep busy with their three children and many grandchildren. 

For Betty, having a family was a driving force in their marriage. 

"You gotta try to get along, especially when you got children, and it works out a lot better that way," she said.

For soon-to-be newlyweds, Betty says they should brace themselves for some initial challenges.

"First couple of years, there's a lot of adjustments," she says, "because you're living with somebody else that's not the same exactly as you." 

Maxwell offers up this additional advice: "If you love them and you want to marry them, you make sure you got a home and you got a job — a half-decent job." 

After that, "you get married and live happily ever after," he says.

Garland and Triffie Ward from La Scie

For the Wards, one marriage brought on another. "He saw me at my brother's wedding," Triffie Ward says of her husband Garland. As he remembers it, she caught his eye immediately. "It was the way you were dressed, the way that you looked," he tells her from their home in La Scie.

As for the secret to wedded bliss, the Wards keep it simple. It's all about the love.

"You got to really love one another when you get married," Garland says. 

Triffie agrees: "If you love him, and he loves you, you're sure to stay together."

Charles and Patricia Gregory from Corner Brook 

"Do you want a story or the truth?" Charles Gregory says from his home when asked how he met his wife.
After opting for the truth, Charles says he was inspired one Wednesday night to attend choir practice. 

"I loved being in the choir, even though I can't sing," he said.

He walked up to the cathedral, went in through the front door, went up the steps, and into the choir loft. After that, the rest is history. 

"I looked down, and there was this short little girl there, directing, and immediately it came to me, 'I got to get out with her'", he said.

The pair will be celebrating 44 years of marriage this August and they each have many suggestions for a happy marriage.

According to Patricia, similar interests are important. The two spent a lot of time travelling, including a year in Australia.

She adds, "being honest with each other and respectful, these are the basic things. If someone is not respectful, they're not worth spending time with."

The two also emphasize sharing household responsibilities, including childcare, is important. Together, the Gregorys had a son, Bill, and a daughter, Anne.

"In those days, when we were younger, a lot of the men didn't get involved in the actual care [of children]," Patricia says. "But Charlie always did."

The way Charles sees it, Patricia was the backbone of the house.

"I must say, when you look at it, looking back...she did it all. She's a keeper."

His wife laughs it off, and concludes, "A little bit of luck is important, and good friends, lots of good friends, and good children