I went hungry as a child. I didn't want my daughter to experience that

This First Person column is the experience of Jennifer Spence, a Winnipeg mother and community activist. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

I was in my 20s. I had a three-year-old daughter and was pregnant with my second child, finding myself back on employment and income assistance shortly after resigning from my job in a residential care home. 

At this time, there was not enough money to make ends meet, and after yet another financially rough patch, I found myself in a situation where the cupboard was emptier than I was used to. 

This emptiness was often my reality as a child and not an experience I wanted for my children.   

There were days we ate homemade pancakes for breakfast, lunch and supper because we had nothing else to eat, or a pound of meat would be spread across several meals. Some days I would skip a meal to ensure my daughter ate enough. 

I felt that any small amount of extra food would be welcome.- Jennifer Spence

It was evident there were options in a time when the term "food security" wasn't commonplace, and the level of pride that can exist around the need for support is its own barrier.

Simply put, I was more concerned by the fact I felt forced to ask for help when I should have been self-sufficient, and was subsequently forced to seek out assistance to feed my growing family.

I concluded that I was in over my head and in need of more help than I was comfortable asking for. 

I placed a call to what was formerly known as Winnipeg Harvest (now Harvest Manitoba) and requested an emergency appointment — a necessary step toward the food security my family so desperately needed. 

I was given two options: a church near my home in two weeks (as I had missed the most recent food bank date by a day), or Union Gospel Mission in one week. I selected the closer date. 

From food bank client to co-ordinator

I felt that any small amount of extra food would be welcome, so I prepared my daughter, set her in her stroller and made my way toward Winnipeg's Exchange District on a sunny summer morning. 

As we walked up toward the mission and lined up to wait for the doors to open, I felt shock wash over me. I was unprepared for the number of houseless individuals waiting to be let into the building and realized quickly that I saw no parents with children. 

It dawned on me that it would have been worth waiting the extra week to attend the church near my home. It felt as though I was in the wrong line — but not because there were houseless folks gathered.

I felt like I was taking someone else's place in line, someone who needed this food bank appointment more than I.  

The process took a little more than an hour and soon I was on my way home with the supplemental nourishment we needed. I then made the decision to book my future appointments closer to home. This meant waiting two weeks for another date.  

Today, when I am cooking meals for my children, I am often grateful for this perspective.- Jennifer Spence

Once at home, I unpacked our bags and separated everything received. One section on the counter had the items I was keeping, which would be placed in the cupboard and fridge. The other section had items I knew we would not need. These items would be taken to a drop bin at a nearby store and donated back to Harvest.  

As I placed the food in the cupboard, I thought about how difficult it felt to take home such a small amount of actual items. I reminded myself that this was not meant to fill the kitchen. Rather, it was going to buy us a little more time before the next money day, when I would be able to shop and fill the cupboard again.  

Not long after this, I began to attend a local adult learning centre, where I would graduate with my mature student diploma. During the year and a half I studied there, I became one of the co-ordinators for the in-school food bank. 

I learned the protocols and processes for collecting and distributing on the food bank dates and was surprised by how different the food selection was for us, as opposed to the mission. The mission was better able to offer foods which were easier to carry around to eat on the go, whereas in school, we offered foods that could be cooked in meals. 

The contrast was eye-opening for me and shaped the way I view the community I now work in. 

Today, when I am cooking meals for my children, I am often grateful for this perspective.

This column is part of  CBC's Opinion section. For more information about this section, please read this editor's blog and our FAQ.

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