The made-in-London course that helps men realize 'I don't want to be that douchebag'

Ontario universities and colleges are eyeing a made-in-London, Ont. program that helps men realize the consequences of sexual assault by getting them to open up about masculinity, consent, and the impact of their actions.

It's one way post-secondary institutions are trying to not only redress but also prevent acts of sexual violence on campuses across the province. 

A year ago, the Ontario government required all universities and colleges across the province to create a sexual violence policy and review it once every three years as part of a series of reforms to the way the province treats sexual violence and harassment. 

The problem, however, was that while schools were required to draw up policies on sexual violence, they were not required to draw up a process with how to deal with students who break the rules. 

"Other universities or colleges are interested to see this program, which is really psycho-educational counselling, so it's sort of a helpful approach and not criminalizing," said AnnaLise Trudell, the woman who not only designed ManMade, but launched it two years ago at Western University, a school with a sterling reputation for academics that's trying to polish off the tarnish of also being one of the top party schools on the continent. 

The link between alcohol and sexual assault

"That's how we emerged as a program at Western [University]," she said. "Judicial affairs at Western said 'I need somewhere to send some guys who have committed sexual violence.'"

For two years now Trudell has led groups of 10 men, along with a co-facilitator, through four sessions that explore a number of topics through what she calls, "some honest conversation over a meal."

• LISTEN: London Morning interview about ManMade

In session one the group talks about the idea of consent and tries to define what exactly sexual violence is and where the concept starts getting fuzzy. 

"We get pretty real about it," Trudell said, noting the men are often asked some tough questions through the group, such as "How much alcohol is too much?" or "How do you know if a girl is into you or not?"

Trudell said because 50 per cent of sexual assaults on campus involve alcohol, sexual violence isn't a black and white issue. It's murky and grey, and men need to be taught to do a series of "check-ins" with women to avoid doing something irreversible and destructive. 

Guys don't want to cause harm.- AnnaLise Trudell, Anova

"There isn't a fine line," Trudell said. "Ninety per cent of [it] is non-verbal cuing. So, we talk a lot about if you don't know the person, really be intentional about looking at whether she's uncomfortable or not, if you really think she's had too much to drink, get her number, try again tomorrow, because you don't want to be the dude who wakes up the next morning where somebody feels like she was sexually assaulted."

Session two dives into what it means to be a man, the third talks about pornography and male sexuality, while the fourth draws on group experience and helps the men learn through shared experience. 

"We talk about what harm you might have caused as a guy and that's where we really start to think about intent versus the impact of our actions," Trudell said.

"Most guys are not trying to be assholes," she said, suggesting most men who get counselling are unaware they're causing women harm or making others feel uncomfortable. ​

"It's the part of my job I feel the most hopeful about," Trudell said of the ManMade group.

"Guys don't want to cause harm. They don't want to be pushing those lines of 'How drunk can I get before I'm criminalized in some way?' They don't want to be in that situation, they want to be a good upstanding guy... It's like 'I don't want to be that douchebag' quite frankly."  

An 'eyeopening experience'

That central tenet of the program means male students are often selected for the program as an intervention, in order to give them the tools to correct their behaviour before it becomes a problem.  

 "It was a really eye opening experience especially as a leader," said Matt Forbes, a Western student and athlete who was recommended for the program once he became a student leader. 

Forbes said past experience had shaped his expectations of masculinity and identity as a man in ways that weren't always compatible with those of others. 

"I grew up in a way where I was taught to be really big, really strong, conceal your emotions, don't really talk about the kind of stuff that guys don't typically talk about," he said. 

"You had to play sports, you had to stay strong, you had to wear the right clothes, you had to act a certain way and for me, I didn't realize it was unhealthy until I really dove in myself and figured out what was a really healthy way to express that masculinity."  

I want to be a welcoming source to everyone in my life, instead of closing myself off- Matt Forbes, Western student

Forbes said what he was taught through counselling wasn't the same as what he learned on his own. 

"It's not locker room talk," he said. "It's not how you feel, it's not how to stay safe, it's not about how you interact with others, it's all about being a man and being how society expected you to be a man." 

Instead of playing a role as if he was typecast as some stereotype, Forbes said he can now define himself and his masculinity in ways help others, rather than alienate them. 

"I see a lot more in myself in understanding who I am as a man and how I want to be perceived," he said. "I want to be a genuine human being, I want to be a welcoming source to everyone in my life instead of closing myself off and being restricted to this box of masculinity." 

Forbes' experience is something Trudell thinks a lot of men could benefit from because their gender can sometimes come with traditional cultural expectations that can stifle their self-expression. 

"I think a lot of guys come in and they really frankly haven't had a space to talk about their sex lives and with other guys, just share a space and they have to figure out what that's going to be like, so it takes a few sessions to open up."