How to survive the holidays without debt or guilt, from the experts

Are you feeling the holiday spirit yet? Or is the mere thought of Jingle Bells filling you with dread and guilt and thoughts of how you're going to dig yourself out of the dreaded December financial hole?

"This is a good time to do a mid-holiday readjustment to allow yourself to change course and to course-correct, if necessary, so that you can go into the New Year in a good way," said Taz Rajan, a community engagement partner with Bromwich and Smith, a Canadian firm that helps people manage their debt. 

"The best gift you can give yourself in January is not being in debt, or not being in as much debt as possible." 

Rajan suggests setting a budget for the holidays and actually sticking to it. "It doesn't have to be big and complicated, honestly. Just get a piece of paper out and make list of the people you need to buy something for, and then add things like, are you going out to dinner? Do you need to help with decor? Your January self is going to thank you." 

Setting boundaries works with money, but also with friends, co-workers, relatives and others in your life, said Mary Ann Baytnon, an expert in workplace mental health. 

"You have to stop trying to think that we can or should please everyone," she said. "Guilt is an attempt to punish yourself and an excuse for not taking action. You're just stuck feeling bad about yourself whereas if you look at it that you're going to make mistakes, take responsibility, and move on. 

"Getting stuck in guilt is such a waste of time and energy." 

Doing research about how much things cost, whether they're actually on sale, and whether things are too good to be true is another way to manage your way through holiday spending, Rajan said. "Cut back on gift giving without feeling guilty," she said. 

"Let's get rid of the shame and stigma. Honestly, a nicely handwritten card or homemade gift or spending time with someone is something we should do not apologetically, but with energy and love and compassion." 

Both Rajan and Baynton say going into the holidays with clear expectations and the understanding that people don't need gifts from you is key to emerging mentally and financially unscathed. 

"There's this illusion that everybody else is having a perfect holiday time, that everybody else looks loving and caring and kind and helpful. In reality, we're all kind of freaking out and overwhelmed. We shouldn't become consumed or paralyzed by it. We need perspective," Baynton said. 

Being the leader in your peer group or family that says 'enough,' is difficult, but can be lead to surprising results, said Rajan. 

"If we're feeling a little bit like, 'Whoa, the budget is getting stressed,' chances are, so are the people around you," she said. "You could be that trendsetter to suggest smaller gifts or a potluck, and that can give someone else an out as well."