Domestic violence survivor urges Canadians to listen to women

Some of the details in this story may be difficult for some readers

Shadia Keza's life has not been easy.

In 1994, when Keza still lived in Rwanda, her birth country, her parents were killed in the genocide. Keza and her siblings ended up living on the streets before moving to Uganda to live with her aunt who became abusive.

To escape that violence, Keza got married in 2003. But her husband, with whom she has two children, was also soon abusive. 

He used to kick me in the stomach and sometimes he used to punch my face. I have so many scars from him.- Shadia Keza

"He would choke me and hit me," Keza said. "He used to kick me in the stomach and sometimes he used to punch my face.

"I have so many scars from him."

Keza is telling her story as part of the London Abused Women's Centre's Shine the Light Campaign, which runs all month and encourages people to listen to women who say they've been abused. As part of that campaign, Monday is Wear Purple Day. It's a signal to show you understand the plight of many women and choose to believe them.

It's still tough sharing her story, Keza said. "But if it's something that's going to help other people, I am willing to do that."

In 2009, Keza and her husband moved to London, Ont., but the abuse didn't stop and two years later, the couple separated and then divorced in 2014. 

Keza feels safe right now because she's learned her ex-husband is in jail. "He's always in a jail. Two months out. Six months in jail. That's that's his life now." 

When he's not, she barricades the door and worries for her family's safety.

When a woman says she's being abused, believe her

A few years ago, Keza enrolled in the police foundations program at Fanshawe College with dreams of helping other women like her. But at the time, with the ongoing abuse and fear, Keza considered taking her own life.

It was then that a counsellor at Fanshawe pointed her to the London Abused Women's Centre.

"They told me, 'Come down, everything's going to be all right,'" she recalled. And she met a counsellor who would change her life. 

"If I couldn't meet her. I could have been gone. Dead," she said.

"It is truly important to believe a woman when she discloses to you," said Fabienne Haller, the Shine the Light Campaign coordinator with the London Abused Women's Centre, 

"It is very difficult for any abused woman or girl to share her experience in any way because you relive the trauma when you talk about it. And then for someone who listens to not believe you or minimize it, is devastating — and that behaviour needs to change.

When a woman or girl tells you she's being abused, she's telling you the truth."

Keza hopes the Canadian justice system is also listening to that message. Keza has recently applied to work as an RCMP officer. "I want to be the voice of those who don't have it," she said.