6 tips to help parents get through Halloween
Alyson Schafer: By 9 p.m. it's time to dim your lights
The big questions for kids on Halloween: How much candy can I fit in this bag and will the people who give out chocolate bars notice if I come back three times?
Parents are asking different questions. How old is too old for trick-or-treating? How should you prepare teens to attend parties where alcohol is available? What healthy snacks can I hand out that kids actually like? And, what time can I turn off the lights and shut the door? Parenting expert Alyson Schafer is here to help.
The CBC's Conrad Collaco asked her those questions and more. Listen to the full interview by clicking on the image at the top of this page or read a summary of the interview below.
Alyson Schafer, family therapist and parenting author
How old is too old for trick or treat?
If you have an adolescent that still wants to go trick-or-treating then I say support them. We are too often pushing kids into adulthood saying 'why don't you get off your computer?' or 'why are you always hanging at the mall?' There's a time in adolescence where you kind of have one foot in childhood and you've got this other foot in adulthood where you're supposed to be growing up and not liking those fun things from childhood.
I think lots of kids do still want to go out but they have to get into the spirit of it. I don't mean grab a pillow case from your closet and put a ski toque on your head and say "I'm a skier. I'm going out to get free candy." Really dress up and make a fun night of it. If you come to my door and your voice is cracking you still get candy. So long as you're in the spirit of the day, I'm in the spirit of the day.
At what age should a child start trick-or-treating?
That's a family decision based on your street and your community. When my girls were little it started as a costume parade at the drop-in centre during the day. Then, they wanted to open the door with me when they were toddlers. When they finally showed some interest in dressing up and going out in the dark and they could walk up stairs with a princess costume on, we started trick-or-treating by going to our friends' houses on our block.
What's harder is when they don't want you to come anymore. What is the age of independence? Parents have to really make sure their kids have good street smarts and that the excitement of the day doesn't overwhelm them so they still maintain their impulse control and not bolt out into traffic. You should probably get an agreement about what streets they will hit and what time they're going to be home. Stay in touch by cell phone.
If your teen's not out knocking on doors, they may be heading to a party. How do you ready them to go to a party where alcohol is served?
Talk about expectations at parties with your kids before they go. Parents think their kids don't listen but it's very impactful. When you say 'drinking underage is against the law and we are a law-abiding family. We expect you will make good choices and when alcohol is brought out you will pass.' But there's a lot of peer pressure, so talk with your kids about what line they would be comfortable saying, so you can pass but still save face to your friends. Something like 'I've got a big game tomorrow. My coach is going to know if I've been drinking.' It has to feel real for them.
It's important kids know that mistakes happen. And if the do make a mistake they need to know that you are there. Tell them to call home. They have a get out of jail free card. They do not need to get into a car with someone who has been drinking. They have to believe that you mean your word on that — know that you will stay calm and cool in the moment.
Do you have advice for parents who want to give kids healthy treats they will actually want to eat?
The classic one I remember is those little boxes of raisins. Parents will tell you not to eat something homemade. If you are out on your own block and you know the people making the goodies then you are fine. There are much more healthy choices than there ever was when I was a child. So people are moving towards giving little gifty things and moving away from the whole food thing all together. Be creative.
Should all Halloween candy given out at the door be nut friendly?
I have a nut allergy in my family. It's a big deal. I think they are always flattered when their allergies are taken into consideration. I think it's a great kindness. It's the rare day when you see the Reese Peanut Butter Cups now. It's a terrific thing if you can do it.
What time should you turn the lights off and close the door?
In my neighbourhood things trickle out early because the age group of my street is very young. They start early too. It lasts about an hour long. I really think that by 9 p.m. it's time to dim your lights. I think by 9 o'clock we need to close down our neighbourhoods and let people get back home.