Fort McMurray youth feel guilty for taking town for granted before fires

The only thing that might be worse than experiencing a massive wildfire is blaming yourself for it. That's the sort of guilt a group of high school students from Fort McMurray is living with right now.

Portia Kufakwedu, 16, is one of them.

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"A lot of people feel bad. I knew a lot of people who said they wished Fort Mac would burn down, or wanted it to burn. They took Fort McMurray for granted," she said on the phone from Calgary.

Like many of her friends, she will stay back from the homecoming that starts today, when some 15,000 people are expected to cross road blocks into town, assess damage and start rebuilding.

Kufakwedu and her 15-year-old sister Martina moved here from Toronto about three years ago. At first, they hated it. And back then complaining about Fort McMurray was a fad. Now, they worry their negativity attracted some kind of ugly karma or bad luck. 

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"I would hear people say that I want Fort McMurray to burn down. I'm like, now it's true. And in reality, I miss it," Martina said.

"I feel kinda guilty. I didn't like Fort Mac. And now all of a sudden I do."

Many children will not return 

Children under seven are banned from going back to Fort McMurray due to safety concerns. And many parents have decided not to bring older kids back either, opting to check on homes but not live there full-time until schools open in September.

My city's gone. It's going to take a lot of time to make everything better again.- Portia Kufakwedu

The last census count in 2012 found there were more than 14,000 people under the age of 19 in the Regional Municipality of Wood Buffalo — roughly a quarter of the population.

Children may just be the largest group of the population to not return to Fort McMurray this week.

But while they may be safe from physical danger, their emotions and mental health face many risks.

"Anybody going through a traumatic situation handles it differently," said Caroline White, a registered child psychologist in Alberta.

"But for all of us, we want to make sense of it in some way."

White said it's very common for young people to blame themselves when things go wrong or out of their control. Parents can help by listening and asking questions — generally making it easier for children to share.

"Whatever it is that they were feeling, they need to feel that it's OK for them to talk about it. We don't want them to feel stressed about expressing that," she explained.

'You say it, but you don't actually think it could happen

Andrew Cornick, 17, goes to school with the Kufakwedu sisters. He heard the complaints, too. And he's also feeling guilty.

"You say it, but you don't think it would actually happen. And then when it does, you regret things you have said. You feel guilty about it," he said from a family member's home in the Maritimes, where he and his family members plan to live until July.

He was sitting in biology class when people started noticing flames in the air outside his school. He snapped a picture to post online, and remembers the unreal feeling as he watched the fire eat trees beside his parent's car as they left town.

Martina Kufakwedu made the decision to walk home from school alone after her uncle called to say how serious it was. She was scared to cross the street under falling ashes. Her best friend called her cellphone, crying and panicking.

All three teenagers said they've had some trouble sleeping, and have been worried since the moment they first heard about the fires. But they don't necessarily talk about it much.

Those who are close to graduating worry about school. They moved from place to place so often during the evacuation that there hasn't been time to enrol somewhere else.

They worry about their town. What will it be like when they eventually do go home?

And they worry about their friends. Many have parents who plan to move away, and they didn't have a chance to say goodbye.

"My city's gone," said Portia.

"It's going to take a lot of time to make everything better again."

Ways to help children cope:

Set a good example. Take care of yourself, including exercising and eating healthy.

Encourage children to ask questions. Get down at eye level and speak in a calm, gentle voice using words they can understand.

Make sure they feel connected, cared about, and loved.

Listen for any rumours children might hear at school or on social media and help explain the correct information to them.

Tell children it is normal to be upset. Let them know that it's not their fault.

(Source: U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)