I'm a lifelong learner but abbreviations are putting my skills to the test IRL

This First Person column is written by Desiree Kendrick, who lives in Edmonton. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

As the clock wound down on 1999, I stocked my pantry with canned goods and powdered milk. A large water tank sat in my garage. My house was a safe bunker should disaster strike, while back at the office, my back-up plans were in place.

I belong to the generation that prepared in earnest for the looming disaster known as Y2K. This savvy acronym stood for the fear of the world's computers screeching to a stop with the arrival of the Year 2000. Thankfully, businesses survived Y2K, as did I.

Less than 25 years later, it's my internal computer that's being tested — but this time the struggle is to transcribe the abbreviations of modern conversation. 

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Today's acronyms, initialisms and other abbreviations criss-cross my brain like the messy electrical cords behind my TV. English jargon has morphed into an intricate playbook of letters that make me feel as if I'm no longer fluent in my first language.

I'm a student for life. But pop culture doesn't make it easy.

My learning isn't over yet

My love of learning started with my parents, who lived in India before moving to Canada with four young children (my older siblings), believing every experience offered an opportunity for discovery. As educators in rural Alberta, they encouraged continuous learning. Bookcases lined my childhood home and I was their first Canadian-born pupil.

However, exposure and understanding aren't always in sync.

The first time I saw "ICYMI" in a headline, I assumed it was some celebrity's branding logo. After all, I have both Calvin Klein (CK) and Donna Karan New York (DKNY) hanging in my closet. Then this same assemblage of letters appeared in my workplace communications. What the heck? I obviously "missed it," in case anyone had any doubts.

LMAO and WTF are commonplace terms, yet are a foreign dialect to me. I hold my parents responsible for this, too, as I recall them handing a lined notebook to my older sister to "write lines" promising to never speak slang.

I was a more relaxed parent. However, I never babbled baby talk. Instead, I articulated clearly, dissecting the big words. My parenting was inspired by the how-to articles in women's magazines, except it was me explaining every aspect of living to my babies. I was the audiobook for their ongoing education. A friend once expressed surprise hearing my toddler's extensive vocabulary.

Now I need my daughter's translation services. How the tables have turned.

I once confused IRL (in real life) with URL (an address on the internet). Every time I see JSYK (just so you know), my brain visualizes JYSK, the Danish housewares retailer. Just so you know, I think FOMO sounds like a sports federation, not a fear of missing out.

I guess my lack of understanding means I miss out on a lot of things.

I'll only live once. I've googled 'YOLO' quite often

Give me the days when the only workplace slang was TGIF and I thankfully embraced casual Fridays, wearing my stonewashed blue jeans.

These days, my office computer history reveals repeated searches of "definition of YOLO" — which is concerning since I will only live once. Adding to my brain overload, I work at a post-secondary institution where snappy-sounding acronyms have replaced department names. Given my fondness for efficiency, it would make sense to interpret the shortened form of the Faculty of Medicine & Dentistry (FOMD) as a fear of missed deadlines.

I avoid using "JK" (just kidding) in work correspondence, but I love to kid around with my children. After reading a career story about milking snakes — a dangerous career involving extracting venom for research or other scientific purposes — I texted a link to my son with a note, "Check out this alternative vocation." I added "JK" before sending to avoid the eye roll. 

WATCH | For these Alberta master minds, the joy of learning never grows old: 

'I refuse to act my age'

6 years ago

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Meet some of the members of the Edmonton Lifelong Learners Association.

I applaud my bilingual colleagues, who are fluent in emojis and textese. For me, the endless abbreviations make every day a pop quiz.

For what it's worth (FWIW), I accept that my education is ongoing. I have communication skills that are practical, efficient and polite — and thanks to the GOATs in my life, my teacher-parents who were really the greatest of all time, I'll keep working to master our changing language.

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