'It doesn't even have googly eyes': Artisans speak out against so-called 'craft beer'

A revolt is brewing.

These days, you can't even walk into the waiting room of a dental office without tripping over cleverly designed bottles of craft beer. Let's face it: enjoying craft beer is far more popular than developing an actual personality.

However, the concept of craft beer is facing a growing backlash. A small but extremely vocal demographic of niche artisans – also known as crafters – are seeking to reclaim the term itself so that it refers exclusively to their handmade wares. In short, they'd like to see more "craft" and less "beer."

Lurlene and Christoph Yarnbomb (née Ashleigh Hughes and Dennis Chan) reflect fondly on the first time they used their hands to make chintzy goods no one asked for or wanted.

"I braided three strands of yarn together and called it a friendship bracelet," Lurlene laughs.

Christoph adds, "For me, it was a cross-stitch of a baseball glove."

Now married and running an Etsy shop called The Handmade Tale (there have been no purchases at the time of publication), the pair is hoping to rebrand what's considered a "craft beer" in the eyes of the public. The technical definition, according to Google, is a beer made in a traditional way by a small brewery.

Unfortunately, the Yarnbombs disagree.

"Calling it 'craft' beer while failing to include elements like glitter, decorative sand, and pony beads is just misleading. I mean, it doesn't even have googly eyes. How can we expect the public to respect what we create if the beer industry won't respect that the word 'craft' has the exact same literal meaning in all contexts?" Christoph reasons.

The Yarnbombs' studio is a converted garage on Lurlene's parents' property (where both Yarnbombs currently reside rent-free in her childhood bedroom).

Asserts Lurlene, "Any beer can be a craft beer if hot glue is involved. Just look at this!!" She holds up a bottle of Molson Canadian with tiny antlers attached."

"I made a Reinbeer."

Christoph excitedly cuts in. "This item is called the Corona-tion Street. As you can see, it's a bottle of Corona with a hand-stitched portrait of Rovers Return glued to the front. Plus, you can put a candle in the top!"

Lurlene proudly interrupts, "I fashioned this Steam Whistle into an actual whistle."

Christoph interjects "I made mine into a pan flute."

And that's when Lurlene urges: "Christoph, do the big reveal."

Bashfully, he points to a beer bottle with a lampshade on top: "It's a Coors Light. You can even switch it on."

When provided with samples of actual craft beers, the pair's mood quickly shifts from boastful enthusiasm to bitterness.

Christoph studies a label. "Baby Susan's Lost Shoe ... That's My Dad, Constantine … which is the name of the company and which is the name of the beer?" he furiously demands. "Even though this label isn't felt, its impact on my morale certainly is."

"The Last Filly in The Stable by Horseshoe Brews?" Lurlene questions, examining another bottle closely. "This is some hoppy, pretentious bullshit." They both decline to do a taste-test.

At the end of the day, the Yarnbombs, as well as dozens of crafters across Canada, just want the beer industry to either stop hijacking the word "craft," or to try a bit harder. Christoph sighs, "I wrapped a golden pipe-cleaner around the neck of a Bud Light Lime and fashioned it into a beautiful flower – now THAT is craft beer."

Lurlene concludes, "If we aren't allowed to call what we do 'art,' they aren't allowed to call what they do 'crafts.'"

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