Entries from the 'irreconcilable differences' hall of fame

As southwestern Brampton's #7 divorce lawyer one year running, I can tell you that the vast majority of marriages break up due to "irreconcilable differences". But what kind of differences are we talking here? Why are the details never specified?? And just how irreconcilable are they? I've waded through an enormous stack of juicy-ass duo-tangs on my desk to share with you some of the more alarming ones. Yes, I keep everything in duotangs. Even other duotangs!

1.

GREG: a lifelong barista at Le Chien Andalou Café and Bistro

SUZE: Pronounced it "expresso". Just the once.

2.

IAN: Wore socks with sandals exactly one (1) time

KAREN: Has eyes

3.

JEROME: Was celebrating his 45th birthday about five years into his marriage

KAYLEE: Baked him a cake, brought it to him, sang "Happy Birthday" but then awkwardly mumbled the name part, following it up with "It'll come to me, give me a minute."

4.

TROY AND KEVIN

Spent 4.5 hours attempting to assemble an IKEA MALM bed together in the middle of February (marriage ended 12 minutes in)

5.

NANCE: Kissed husband lovingly

JONATHAN: Actually uttered out loud, "Hashtag BONERTOWN"

6.

VIVIAN: sent Brett a long and heartfelt text one lazy Sunday afternoon reminiscing about their first date and how she loves him more with every passing moment

BRETT: "k"

7.

LISA: Just now realized at age 38 that the reason the Polka Dot Door host was constantly missing Polkaroo's visit was that he was inside the Polkaroo costume

PAM: Remembers working through that shattering epiphany during indoor recess

8.

JASON: Suggested renewing wedding vows!!! Aww!

JASON: ….on LinkedIn Messenger

9.

MARTA: Woke up exclaiming, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY WEEK!"

LUKE: Believes that time is merely a social construct, but even if it weren't, you're 35, Marta.

10.

STEPH: Is a reasonable, compassionate human being who loves her friends and family, works hard, and contributes to society

KEN: Snores

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