5 married couples that should not have combined their last names

It is a modern and often commendable choice for a newly married couple to combine their last names into a new double-barreled last name, such as Smith-Jones, Jolie-Pitt, Day-Lewis, or Mix-a-Lot. For a couple that doesn't want to choose between one partner's surname and the other's, it can often be the right choice. In the case of following marriages, however, it was not—and just how much it was not will be shown in a rating beside each name choice.

Alison Div & Roberto Orce: the Div-Orces

I am making no claims that this won't bode well for the future of the Div-Orce marriage. I do not believe that a name will magically affect a marriage (though it certainly can't help). But it simply calls unpleasant associations to mind, and that is best avoided when choosing a last name. Div is fine. Orce is fine. This is not. 2/5

[UPDATE]  The Div-Orces, as of this writing, are no longer together, and one cannot easily attribute this to their last name, but again, I will say this: it could not have helped. Though according to their current status, a more apt last name would have been Legallyse-Parated or perhaps Movedoutdueto-ongoinggamblingissues. 0.5/5

Serena Webber & Dean Lloyd: the Webber-Lloyds

The problem with this name is that it resides in an uncanny valley between normal and unique—everybody wonders why they didn't either just keep their names the same, or fully commit to the name Lloyd-Webber, since everybody says, "Hey, Webber-Lloyd, that sounds a lot like Lloyd Webber!'" anyway. Especially Dean's father, Sir Andrew Lloyd-Webber, the famous Broadway composer. 1/5

Sharon Reese & David Peece: the Reese-Peeces

I actually find this name rather charming, and you may agree. The trouble with this name is that it is technically copyright infringement. The world famous Hershey Company is suing them for $500,000 each day they continue to use the name to celebrate their love. The Reese-Peeces are not wealthy people. They are, however, in love, and their commitment to keeping their respective names together in the face of overwhelming financial destitution is admirable, though one wishes they had applied for the necessary permits before the wedding. 4/5

Alex DeBeauregarde & Terry Wilcox: the DeBeauregarde-Wilcoxes

Nothing sinister about it, really, it just flows terribly. Before a marriage, you should think long and hard. You should think similarly deeply about whether you want to add more syllables to a surname that's already got four of them. Just something to consider. Not the worst, but definitely far from the best. 3/5

Don Mynameis & Wilma Charlesmanson

One hesitates to criticize these two, each of whom has probably dealt with a great deal of name-related shaming through their respective lives before ever meeting each other. For that reason I am not even typing out the result of this combination. You can guess. They don't need any extra shaming.

But still. This is a nightmare. -5/5

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