When I became paralyzed, I felt like my life was over, but it was just the beginning
Ten years later, I'm grateful for my wheelchair and beyond grateful to be alive.
In CBC's new docuseries Push, you'll meet the confident, outgoing, loud Bean. But it was a lot of work getting there, and I didn't do it alone. The last decade changed me completely and having a support system of family and a community of friends (otherwise known as The Wheelie Peeps) helped shape me into the woman I am today.
I turned 30 in 2012 and I couldn't have ever anticipated the changes the universe had in store for me.
On Easter long weekend, a brutal argument with my husband left me with a marriage that was finally over. I called my sister in the middle of the night and returned home to live with my family permanently.
In June 2012, my dad left our family home. As a religious Sikh, he didn't agree with the secular ways we were living our lives. I was very close to him and his departure was a very difficult day for me.
After many tears and sleepless nights, I took a trip to Las Vegas with friends in July to have some fun. We spent the first couple of days shopping, partying and enjoying the food. But when I woke up on Friday the 13th, my entire world changed.
I took my last steps in a hotel room in Las Vegas
I brushed my teeth, washed my face and walked over to the window to open the curtains before returning to bed. Those were the last steps I would ever take on my own. I still remember what the carpet felt like and getting into bed with my right leg first. I experienced the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my lower back. It only lasted a few minutes and then, I was unable to move my right leg. A minute or two later, my left leg went prickly from my hip to my toes and soon I was paralyzed from the waist down. I could feel everything, but I couldn't move anything. I was terrified.
I felt like my life was over, but it was just the beginning. On July 13, 2012, I was reborn.
Just like a newborn baby, I had to learn how to sit up, how to roll over, how to crawl, how to brush my teeth, how to poop, how to pee, how to move, how to cough, how to breathe, how to laugh, all of the things I had taken for granted. I was angry and I didn't want to live anymore. I thought I had little to offer the world and that nobody would ever want to be with me. I did not want to be the girl in the wheelchair.
I finally found the courage to move forward with living my life
Fortunately, I found an amazing psychologist who showed me that there isn't any difference between Bean sitting and Bean standing. She gave me the tools to work through the challenges and hurdles in my life. Not just from paralysis, but all the trauma I had as a child, from being the only one with brown skin in my class to having an extremist religious father to being a first-generation Canadian. I learned that I had to make myself uncomfortable because that is when we grow.
Shortly afterwards, I started travelling to California so that I could access the activity-based training I needed to reconnect my brain to my lower body. The results were incredible: I am now able to stand independently and walk with a walker. I can drive my car with my foot and I've regained bowel and bladder control. With strengthened core muscles, I do CrossFit and yoga and I'm the healthiest I've ever been.
I have gone from being sad about what I lost to being grateful for what I have. When you change how you think, the whole world changes around you.
In April 2017, my neuro exercise specialist and I opened ReYu Paralysis Recovery Centre to bring activity-based training to my hometown and our team has been able to change the lives of hundreds of clients.
A community of wheelchair peeps
Over the last decade, I went through so many dark days alone that I vowed to never let anyone have a dark day alone again.
So I made it a mission to find my homies, the wheelchair peeps. Every time I saw a wheelchair user, I would introduce myself and make friends — even if I had to force my friendship on some people. We've become an invaluable support system; the wheelie peeps have laughed together, cried together and lifted each other up. We've learned so much from each other and with the power of social media, we can do the same for friends all over the world.
Seeing a dozen wheelchairs roll into a restaurant for dinner together is comical because no one knows what to do! That's why it's so important for wheelchair users to get outside and live. Staff and other patrons see that we are normal people doing normal things. This is how we destroy the stigma around disability.
I have become a public speaker and a model. When I'm on a stage, I know that there was a reason I was paralyzed, to change the world's perception of people with disabilities. To show others that you can be fit, stylish, healthy, sexy, successful and most importantly happy, after surviving major adversity.
I'm grateful for my wheelchair and I am beyond grateful to be alive.
Benveet Gill is featured in the series, Push. Watch it on CBC Gem.
