Eleanor April - Active Voice

Lost No More

I have been lost all over western Canada. All different kinds of lost in different kinds of places. From Edmonton, to Saskatoon, to Vancouver, to Whitehorse and much in between. There are interesting things you learn while being lost. You might learn that a friendly face at a bus stop is worth more than gold. You might learn how stubbornly you're willing to march uphill to sleep in your own bed (my record is a five-hour hike up Burnaby mountain in November). You might learn who you don't trust to give you a ride home. You might also learn that even when you know exactly where you are, you still feel lost. When surrounded by friends and family, in a place I knew, I was caught in the clutches of strange trees from a forest I couldn't navigate. That type of lost is the hardest to sort out. It makes hope seem like something for other people. North stars are for those who can see more than branches above them. By the time I made it to the Wilderness city, I had lost myself in those strange woods, smothered by a long winter of isolation and despair. I don't know when exactly, but I had given up on making it out of the cold. I made peace with imprisonment. To survive, I resolved to understand my own mind and predicament. Winter is harsh and unforgiving, but the forest thrives nonetheless. I learned to watch with a careful eye. I discovered that the occupants of those woods secreted behind fur and under snow. I learned that no mind is desolate, but brimming with endless life and possibility. Once I found the vibrancy of this place, a miracle occurred. The seasons began to turn. An age of endless night thawed, allowing trickles of cool sunlight to flow through the canopies. Animals I had never seen emerged from hiding. Some rose up from the ground beneath my feet indulging long-forgotten hungers. Others flew in on tired wings from long, harrowing journeys, bringing with them stories of summer and warm skies. I saw in my sense of self not an unnatural figment of logic, but just another beast with needs and urges. I began to truly see. There were dirt paths and goat trails to the life I wanted. All I needed was the courage to take the first step, and the strength to carry the forest and its seasons with me. No matter how dark the night, compassion and love guide me with their twinkling. No matter how cold the winter, I can find warmth. No matter how forceful the wind, I know it is the breath of the world and I breathe with it. I am no longer lost in myself, but there's nowhere I would rather be than in the free wilderness of my heart. It is home.

Long story short, sometimes you wake up and find that wanting to kiss women makes you gay. I think that's pretty cool.