SASKATOON, SK—A new study conducted by the Conference Board of Canada found that Saskatoon was the healthiest major city in Canada, a result that held great interest for many, none moreso than the residents of Saskatoon, who honestly don't really think they're keeping fit at all.

"Really?? No kiddin', huh?" said Danny Madgett of the east end, between bites of a donut. "Sorry, mouth's full. Did they… who did they ask? They didn't ask me. Can't think of anyone I know they asked. Still though. Proud of it!"

Reached for comment, Martha Quine, an employee of the Saskatoon Community Centre proudly said, "Saskatoon? This Saskatoon? And that's out of all the major cities? Even those real healthy ones with mountains and granola everything?"

She added, with a clear note of humble satisfaction, "Like, the one in Saskatchewan, you mean?"

Charlie Clark, newly minted mayor of Saskatoon, was excited to accept the honour. "I don't know if they give us an actual award for this or anything, but if they do, they realize they can't take it back, right? I'm not mailing it back. If they realized they've made some kind of data error, that's on them, they can fix that up for next year. But we're keepin' it."

Asked for any final comments on the major compliment to his city, a heartfelt Clark offered only this: "Are you sure they mean the one in Saskatchewan, though?"