President-elect Donald Trump announces insulting nicknames for world leaders
Ned Petrie | CBC Comedy | Posted: November 15, 2016 4:05 PM | Last Updated: November 15, 2016
NEW YORK, NY—After much speculation, President-elect Donald Trump has announced his chosen insulting nicknames for the world leaders with whom he will collaborate during his presidency.
In his first press conference since his election, Trump addressed the media outside his Manhattan offices, surrounded by his so-called "Trolling Advisors."
"And let me tell you, many, many people are asking me about my nicknames," said Trump in his trademark off-the-cuff style. "They're saying, 'Donald, we have to know your nicknames. You always chose the best nicknames.' That's what they're telling me. And I'm happy to say that thanks to a lot of hard work and creativity, we have the nicknames ready. Isn't that wonderful?" Trump then gestured to the tattered cocktail napkin on which he'd scribbled a list of jabs and insulting adjectives.
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Having organized his list from "easy ones to hard ones", Trump began by revealing his names for Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and German Chancellor Angela Merkel as "Pretty Boy" and "Scary Angela" respectively. According to the President-elect, both nicknames were based on their corresponding physical appearances.
"I mean, c'mon. Look at 'em!" he elaborated.
Trump went on to announce his names for United Kingdom Prime Minister Theresa May ("Prissy Theresa"), Pope Francis ("No Hair"), and French president Francois Hollande ("Boring Frankie") before moving onto what he described as "trickier territory."
"I'm obviously going to spend a lot of time as president ranting on Twitter about China and Mexico," said Trump. "Not only will I be starting trade wars with [Chinese president] Xi Jinping and [Mexican president] Enrique Nieto, but you may have noticed that neither of those guys are white people."
"So, needless to say, we put the most thought and consideration into these two particular nicknames," he boasted before revealing them to be "Ping-Pong" and "Mexican Enrique." Trump explained he chose the former because "it's easy to say and I don't know how to pronounce the name Xi" and the latter because he couldn't think of a more insulting adjective than "Mexican."
The President-elect's other proposed monikers include "Sleepy Shinzo" (Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe) and "Daddy" (Russian president Vladimir Putin).
Trump concluded his remarks with a promise to announce his nicknames for the other heads of state as soon as he "gets a chance to learn their names and look at their pictures."
How will foreign leaders react to Trump? We already know Trudeau isn't a fan:
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