Canadian diver Caeli McKay has learned to define her own success in the face of Olympic heartbreak
25-year-old Calgary native has finished 4th three times over multiple Summer Games
Caeli McKay has fielded the question more than once in the last three years.
It comes with the territory when she wears her Olympic rings necklace.
People ask if she went to the Games, only to change their tone when she tells them her result: "Fourth."
That's how she finished at Tokyo 2020 when she and then-partner Meghan Benfeito finished just off the podium in the women's 10-metre synchronized diving event at her debut Olympics.
For the 25-year-old, it kickstarted a trend — one that is as strong as ever as she steps away from Paris 2024, where she finished fourth in the same event, now as the veteran alongside 19-year-old Kate Miller.
With an additional fourth-place finish in the women's 10m individual event, flirting with the podium is a feeling she's all too familiar with.
"Unfortunately, I'm really good at getting fourth. I've done it three times now at the [Olympics]," an emotional McKay told CBC Sports after her final dive in Paris. "But I was happy, and I felt just pure joy after my last dive because I did what I came here to do."
WATCH | Caeli McKay dives to fourth-place finish at Paris Olympics:
For the Calgary native, the ability to be happy despite falling short of her medal goal has been an agonizing journey.
It all seemed like it may be too much for a while, and through recent years, she pondered whether to continue with the sport.
"I've always wanted a medal, but it might not have been meant for me. The lessons I learned from finishing fourth so many times are more valuable than having a decoration in a little box in my house," she said.
"With my events [in Paris], I couldn't ask for anything else, and the feedback that I've gotten from everybody, even strangers around Canada, just messaging me about how amazing it was for them to watch, it means a lot to me."
In 2021, at the Tokyo Games, in front of no family or friends in the stands, she competed on an injured ankle, having strained it while dryland training at Olympic trials ahead of her first Games. Benfeito had to carry her out of the Olympic diving facility while McKay doubted whether her ankle would recover enough for her to dive at that level again.
A year to the day after suffering the injury, McKay finished fifth at the World Aquatics Championships in Budapest, Hungary, another heartbreaking result but one that proved the level she could return to.
"It was really hard for me to accept how hard the journey was and to have been [fifth at worlds] a year later; I was just super proud of that at that point," she said. "It was part of this stepping stone challenge that I had to go through again with the same kind of doubts and worries."
The final step was this summer in Paris, where she entered as a podium contender in both events. While she had medals from the Pan Am Games, Commonwealth Games and World Cup stops, finally stepping on the Olympic podium would have been the pinnacle.
Serving as an emotional mentor
Instead, it was more lessons and a new perspective in guiding Miller through the disappointments, allowing her a lens she'd not previously looked through.
"I had to put my big girl pants on and comfort her a lot, but it was a good lesson for her; I told her patience is key and that sometimes it just doesn't happen on the first try," she said, having wrapped her arm around Miller in a post-event interview.
"Being fourth on your own, I can tell you, is hard, but being fourth together, you have someone to comfort, and we can laugh about it a little bit now ... I know that it's going to fuel her."
WATCH | McKay finishes just off the podium with Kate Miller:
Although results didn't live up to McKay's hopes, the way she looked at the Games changed. With her family in attendance in Paris, she was able to focus on herself — not the noise around her.
That growth and the ability to walk Miller through heartbreak just opens doors for McKay, who now realizes the fully dizzying nature every Olympic Games presents.
Perhaps Miller said it best after the synchronized event: "It is my first Olympics, so now I am an Olympian. That's exciting."
"A medal is pride and joy, and we have the medal count on the wall in the Village, but at the end of the day, all of us athletes are humans with dreams," McKay said.
"If you put on a good performance and you're at the Olympics, you're pretty much living that dream."
So even as she steps away from her second Olympics without the hardware to validate her hard work, she has a new outlook and a clear idea of her path ahead.
She'll still wear her Olympic rings necklace. She'll still get the questions and reserved responses. This time, though, she answers proudly. After all, not many people go to the Olympics twice.
"People see a fourth as a failure, but it can be a success for me; I've changed the way I define success throughout my career, and I've learned that if I want to succeed, I'm going to do it on my terms, and not let anyone else define what success means."
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