'Along came the parasites' — an alternative Senate storybook: Robyn Urback

The National Post revealed Monday that Canada's esteemed upper chamber has printed a children's book. The 24-page story describes a forest of squabbling animals and a council of "wise owls" and breaks down the fundamentals of parliamentary democracy into easy-to-digest animal anecdotes. This is possibly the first time a story about animals in the forest has included the words "parliament," "council" and "senate."

Senators told the Post that the book, which they're calling a "brochure," will be available at a few spots on Parliament Hill and also for senators to take along with them on school visits. Acknowledging that some might be critical of the Senate's favourable depiction of itself, Liberal Senator Mobina Jaffer said Canadians might offer suggestions on how to improve the story (see the original here).

With that in mind, here is a suggestion of a new draft:

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, in the forest of Canada, a group of wise owls sat perched on the highest branches. This senate of owls looked down at the beavers and bears, squabbling on the forest ground below.

Everyone in the forest knew the owls were wise. They had been in the forest as long as anyone could remember. And they watched over the animal council with their big eyes, and soft wings, and generous annual expense budgets.

Now, these owls all convened in the central forest, even though many of them came from forests far and wide.

So the owls asked all the bugs

And bees

And badgers

And bats in the forests to help them build their nests in the central forest, so they could watch over the animal council below.

And so they did. Duff the owl got the bugs

And bees

And badgers

And bats to build him a home in the central forest even though he already had a home in the central forest.

You're so silly, Duff!

Along came the parasites...

One day, a couple of parasites living in the central forest swamp noticed that a few of the wise owls seemed to be spending an awful lot of time flying around Canada.

"Where are you going?" the squirrel said to Pam the owl.

"I am doing the work of the senate of owls," Pam replied.

"Where are you going?" the fox said to Patrick the owl.

"I am doing the work of the senate of owls," Patrick replied.

"Where are you going?" the beaver said to Don the owl.

"I'm going to my office. Leave the door closed," Don replied.

But when the owls were gone, the animals looked at the owl agenda pecked into the side of the old oak tree and saw that the owls weren't doing the work of the senate of owls.

"Board of directors meeting for Bald Eagle airlines," read the first entry.

"Golf with lions," read the next.

"Raccoon and beaver wedding," read the next.

"Hey, wait a second!" exclaimed one of the parasites. "What is going on here?!"

"You owls are supposed to be overseeing the animal council," another parasite chimed in. "Not flying all over the place for your own business, while the bugs, and the bees, and the badgers, and the bats, build your homes!"

Broken seeds and ice cold mice...

But Nancy the owl wasn't having any of their complaining.

"Enough," she said, swooping down from the tallest branches. "I'll have you know, we do good work. And all we have to eat are broken seeds and ice cold mice."

That's when the animals all started fighting, and the forest grew dark and sad.

"What if we ask the bad owls to leave?" suggested a bug.

But the owls were promised a spot on the tallest branches for life.

"What if we change the rules so owls have to be elected?" suggested a bee.

But the majority of regions in the great forest of Canada would have to agree, and that would be unlikely.

"What if we just got rid of the senate of owls altogether?" suggested a badger.

But that would mean changing the animal constitution.

So the bugs and the bees and the badgers and the bats retreated to their homes all across the forest of Canada.

While the owls returned to their tallest of branches, watching over the animal council with their big eyes, and soft wings, and generous annual expense budgets.

• 'Wise owls': Senate issues children's book to explain role of Red Chamber
• Read the book on the Senate's website

This column is part of CBC's Opinion section. For more information about this section, please read this editor's blog and our FAQ.