'I wasn't fooling anybody' — Windsor construction worker thankful for recovery from almost 20 years addiction

As a bodybuilder and a foreman on the Gordie Howe International Bridge, Ryan Mills doesn't look like the image of a drug addict in most people's minds.

The 38-year-old Windsor tradesman is going public about nearly 20 years of struggling with substance abuse, in hopes of motivating others like himself to find help — especially those in his industry.

"I remember I was 17. A co-worker offered me a Percocet to get through the day. My back was sore," Mills told CBC Windsor. "I chased that. I wanted that all the time. It made work easier."

"Work would end, and I'd want cocaine to get me back up again. So now, I had multi-addictions going on. I was using Percocets in the day, (oxycodone) during the day, and then cocaine at night."

Despite his daily usage, Mills was able to continue to work, gain skills, and build a life for himself. By his own admission, he was a "functioning addict."

"You know, I had a house, three cars at the time, and this boat, and I was very proud of all those things."

As the years of addiction continued and Mills's life began to spiral, the material successes disappeared — and his relationships deteriorated.

"It wasn't losing the house, the cars and everything that made me realize I needed help," Mills explained. "It was when my family didn't know what to do with me anymore. My real friends didn't want to talk to me."

About four years ago, Mills made the decision to enter the live-in program at Brentwood Recovery Home — a community organization he credits for saving his life. "I had to face all the things I was doing to other people around me, and the harm I was doing to myself."

Being able to immerse himself in treatment was vital, but Mills feels the strength of Brentwood is in its follow-up support. After leaving the live-in program, he has continued to attend group counselling sessions three times a week.

"My group leaders, the men of the circles — we have a big strong alumni presence at Brentwood. Those are the people you get your advice from. You learn from their mistakes, and we learn from each other's mistakes."

Brentwood's support network was especially helpful when Mills found himself relapsing with alcohol, and needing to return to treatment for a "tune up."

Mills is also grateful for the understanding of his employer, and the backing of his union, LiUNA!625.

"When I got my boss on board and told him what was going on, to my shock — he already (knew)," Mills recalled.

"People aren't stupid, you know. I wasn't fooling anybody. When I told him I needed to go back for a tune up, he was actually very supportive. So was my union. They wanted me to just get better."

According to Elizabeth Dulmage, executive director of Brentwood Recovery Home, Mills's story is not a rare one.

"We know that construction workers are disproportionately affected by opiate use disorder," Dulmage said.

"The contributing factor is that it is very physical, very manual, very hard labour that they're doing. They're at added risk of musculoskeletal injuries, which can be extremely painful and are frequently treated by opioids."

Brentwood's live-in program is "not easy," Dulmage admitted. The immersive nature of it, combined with the lifelong support network of alumni, has provided Brentwood with an impressive success rate.

The unfortunate aspect is that — because of the resources available and the need in the community — the wait time for enrolment at Brentwood is five to six weeks.

"Compared to some of the other treatment centres in the province, it's actually relatively short," Dulmage said. "We have a shortage of addiction treatment facilities and abilities in this province right now."

These days, Mills is counting his blessings in a healthier and happier place in his life.

"I have my family back in my life. I have my real friends back in my life," he said. "I have a great job — one of the biggest projects in North America. I'm also on the joint health and safety committee."

"Six months ago, my brother asked me to be the godfather of my niece. These things are all the rewards of recovery. I wouldn't have these things if I wasn't sober today, because I couldn't be trusted. It was hard to count on me when I couldn't even count on myself."

"I just want to say, if you're listening to this — it's not too late to go get the help that you need."