Q&A: Protecting kids from abuse and how to have conversations that could prevent it

Twice this year, Windsor police have laid sexual assault charges against two individuals who were working with young people.

In January, a 34-year-old man was charged with five counts each of sexual assault and interference. At the time of the alleged incidents, the accused was employed by the Windsor-Essex Catholic District School Board. Police said five children, all younger than 16 at the time, have since come forward to investigators.

This week, a 35-year-old man was charged with two counts of sexual assault and sexual exploitation. Police say he was employed by the Greater Essex County District School Board as an advisor at the high school level, and that he has been a coach in the sports community for several years.

None of these allegations have been proven in court.

CBC Windsor Morning guest-host Peter Duck spoke with Karyn Kibsey, manager of training and education with the Canadian Centre for Child Protection, about what organizations, parents and children should know to better protect kids.

The conversation has been edited for clarity and length.

Duck: How common are incidents like this? 

Kibsey: I think we're all seeing an increase of this in the media. So whether it is in sport, in school or a faith-based organization, really across all child-serving organizations, it is something that we hear about and definitely is a concern.

LISTEN | How can parents help protect their kids from assault? 

What we know is that the vast majority of those who work and volunteer with children are there for the right reasons. But child-serving organizations ... these organizations aren't invulnerable to this happening, and it's extremely important that they're putting in place measures to safeguard children in their care. 

We know that coaches and other volunteers generally need to get police background checks before they can take on positions involving kids. How do predators still get through the cracks? 

Police background checks are a very important part of the screening process and absolutely should be there for those working with children or volunteering with children. But they really are only one part of the equation when it comes to determining if somebody is safe to be working with or volunteering with children.

Most offenders won't have a criminal record, so relying on only a criminal record check simply isn't enough when organizations are looking at what they're doing in terms of their screening processes. 

What other things should be part of that screening process? 

Many organizations might have policies, for example, around what to do when they suspect child sexual abuse, but it's critically important that those policies also address risk. So rather than only focusing on something like incident response, this would include putting in place policies around staff and volunteer screening, as well as training on these issues. So training on sexual abuse, and what reporting procedures are within an organization, ensuring that an organization has a child protection code of conduct so that they develop a document that outlines what the expectations are for those working and volunteering with children. And this is really tied to appropriate boundaries in their interactions and conversations. 

Another piece that's really important is to have a separate reporting procedure for misconduct. So this means reporting any type of behaviour that is blurring or breaking the boundaries — really grey-area behaviours where it's not something that's potentially illegal, but it's inappropriate and it's important that that's disrupted and corrected and it's solidified in those policies.

What are some of the most basic boundaries that any organization that has children involved should have as part of their policies? 

What we tend to say is a really good standard of measure, is that as a reasonable observer, is what I'm seeing or hearing a violation of a reasonable boundary? And if the answer is 'yes,' then it's enough to report it to a designate in an organization that can do something about it.

So examples of some of those boundary transgressions that people may observe can be things like somebody moving a professional relationship with a child to a more personal relationship, or starting to confide in a child with overly personal information, and keeping secrets with a child. That could also include things like giving gifts that are inappropriate under the duties and responsibilities of that individual, or getting overly involved in the child's personal life outside of what that person's competencies are within their role at the organization. 

Also, things like extending contact with the child outside of work hours or duties or even without authorization or transparency. And this also includes communication with kids through technology, so whether that's text or online in different social sites. 

What role does a parent play in protecting their children?

It's important that if they feel that something's uncomfortable — something that they hear of, not even something that they witness, but even if they hear of it — that they can feel comfortable bringing that forward to the organization.

So many people are worried that if I see something, it's an allegation of abuse. And instead, it should be a space where we can bring forward those concerns, where raising a concern really is to have it addressed and it's not an allegation of abuse. So for parents to be comfortable bringing forward those concerns, to know who to talk to in the organization, if they have those concerns. 

What about children? What kind of information should they be equipped with to help in this whole process of making sure nothing untoward is happening? 

This really goes back to those conversations that we have every day with our kids around personal safety, and we don't want to come at personal safety from a fear-based approach. When we're talking to our kids about safety, we want them to feel confident and empowered.

So some of these conversations really are about boundaries and what are their personal boundaries, their right to set boundaries, what are the behaviours of safe adults and who can they go to for help, trusting their instincts, bodily autonomy, and knowing that they can come to a parent if they're ever in a situation where they feel uncomfortable or somebody crosses their boundaries. That as a parent, you are there to support them and you want to talk to them about this.