Windsor long-term care resident describes pain, loneliness amid COVID-19 lockdowns
Barry Hickling says being isolated in his room leaves him feeling a 'deep pain'
When one of Barry Hickling's neighbours tested positive for COVID-19 and an outbreak was declared, the long term care resident says he immediately felt the isolation.
Hickling, 71, says he doesn't like anything about it — right down to the disposable, styrofoam dishware he has to eat his meals from.
"You think you're going to go outside or to visit with another neighbour and so on, and you're cut off. 'I'm sorry, we can't let you out of your room.' Well, I'm feeling it and every resident does the minute that the isolation is called — it hits, it's instant," he said.
Hickling has been living at The Village of Aspen Lake long term care home in Windsor for the last five years and has been in the long term care system for a decade.
The Village of Aspen Lake is one of seven long-term care and retirement homes in Windsor-Essex in a COVID-19 outbreak, according to the health unit's website. The Village of Aspen Lake currently has one resident and two staff cases.
Due to the arrival of COVID-19 on his floor, Hickling said he and all other residents are unable to leave their rooms, meaning they eat, sleep and spend their days in the same space.
"You lay in your bed, you watch TV, you listen to the news, whatever you're doing, you're alone, and it's that aloneness, that isolates people from everybody else and leaves you feeling depressed. And that hurts. It hurts a very, very deep pain," he said, his voice filled with emotion.
Before the pandemic, Hickling says he entertained weekly visits from his loved ones and was able to leave his room when he wanted.
"You had a good visit. It was a great time. No restrictions. You know, you want to go, you want to smile, you want to touch, you want to hug, whatever, do it because you could. And that's gone," he said.
"I just mentioned the word touch and it triggers something for me because a hug is very important. And family is used to hugging. And we can't hug anymore. We can't touch, can't do anything and that hurts."
WATCH: Berry Hickling talks about living through the pandemic as a LTC resident
What changes he wants to see
As the COVID-19 pandemic rages on, Hickling has used his position as a board of directors member for the Ontario Association of Residents Council and Village Aspen's executive resident's council to advocate for himself and others.
Some of the things that he says he's advocating to change include:
- Screens for all residents to contact loved ones, watch TV or stay on top of current affairs in their home.
- Another support worker that is between a PSW (personal support worker) and a nurse.
- More training for PSWs.
- Removal of multi-ward rooms.
Hickling said he realizes how fortunate he is to have technology that he can use to contact others, but that many other residents don't have access to these sorts of devices.
"It would allow administration to share with residents exactly what's happening within the homes. We've been left so uninformed in many, many homes, totally uninformed of what's happening in the home, the devastation that is causing, the disruption ... it's just causing so much harm," he said.
As for more workers and additional training hours, Hickling said he can see how stretched the staff at the home are and it would be helpful for the government to create an intermediate position — someone who can relieve PSWs from certain tasks such as feeding.
'I'm going to get outside'
With COVID-19 vaccine rollout beginning in Canada this week, the Ontario government has already pinpointed seniors living in long term care as a priority.
And while Hickling says he is glad there is "some light on the horizon," he says he's also scared.
"We are very, very, very afraid of ... the COVID virus itself and the vaccine and it's partly because of the unknowns that we have to deal with, we don't know the side effects completely," he said.
"I hope that there is a remedy, that there is a resolution coming through the vaccines that will bring about a cure."
In the meantime, what keeps him looking up is knowing that once this is all over, he can go outside and reacquaint himself with his family and with nature.
"I'm going to get outside. We have, across the street, a beautiful park and pond. And I love that area. I love traveling through the area, the trails and so on. I am getting out," he said.
Hickling said he hasn't been to this favourite spot of his or seen his loved ones since August.
"I still get choked up about it and I'm not alone. People are hungry for fellowship. We're hungry for someone to be with us," he said.
"I'm going to dig up my family and say, 'hey, get over here, I'm ready for you,' ... I want my family to come once all over. No more masks, no more worries or threats. Just to be alone together and share again our life in wonderful Windsor."