Windsor woman grieving baby's death hopes return of support program will help others

Warning: This story includes details about infant death and an image of a stillborn baby. 

About six months into her pregnancy, Windsorite Gerilyn Dowding says she went into the hospital with complications and left without her daughter, Eden. 

Dowding says she still isn't sure what sort of medical issues caused her to give birth to a stillborn, but she knows that she's still grieving the loss of a child who she never got to take home.

"I don't think I've began to cope with it," said Dowding, who had the stillbirth in July. 

"There hasn't been any acceptance for me yet in what happened."  

In the days and weeks that Dowding has spent trying to cope, she says she was disappointed to find that there aren't any in-person bereavement programs in Windsor for women or parents of a stillborn or miscarriage. 

"With all the paperwork I was given from the hospital for bereavement services and how much they stressed I should contact this agency and this agency and get ahold of this person, just for me to do those steps and to be told, 'we can't help you, you need to wait for help' — I was shocked," she said.

"I don't understand why they refer those services if the services aren't in place and there for us." 

Instead, the 22-year-old relied on family, friends and her social worker at the Canadian Mental Health Association's (CMHA) Windsor-Essex branch. 

She says she tried joining online sessions for bereaved parents whose older children have died, but felt that her grief and experiences didn't align with theirs. 

Lack of in-person supports for grieving families

According to the most recent data from the Windsor-Essex County Health Unit (WECHU), the rate of stillbirths in Windsor-Essex in 2020 was 8.69 stillbirths per 1,000 births (including live and still births).

In comparison, the province's rate of stillbirths was 8.12 per 1,000 births. 

According to the CMHA's Windsor-Essex branch, the city has been without an in-person bereavement program for parents of infants, specifically those dealing with a stillborn or miscarriage, since the pandemic began. 

CMHA's mental health educator Sonia McMahon-Comartin says the organization had a program, called Bereaved Parents of Infants, that ended about five years ago. 

She says CMHA found that there wasn't a high demand for the support group. 

But McMahon-Comartin says that they also knew women were being connected to a program run by Sunnybrook Hospital known as the Pregnancy and Infant Loss (PAIL) Network. But due to COVID-19, the peer-led support group in Windsor moved online. 

Yet, McMahon-Comartin says CMHA recognizes the significance of having in-person supports and has decided to re-start its old program in partnership with PAIL. 

"The need we know is there," said McMahon-Comartin. 

"Like any loss, it has an impact. Someone as a mom, as a father, as a family, there was an anticipated birth and when that does not occur, then there are feelings of what could have been." 

McMahon-Comartin says that in-person support groups create a more intimate space where people can feel better connected to others, which can help the mourning process. 

When to seek help 

McMahon-Comartin says that women who are grieving the loss of a baby or pregnancy commonly experience depression or depressive symptoms. 

But she notes that grief looks different for everyone, so it might not always manifest itself as depression. 

She says that women should reach out for help if they feel short-tempered, irritable, resentful or just generally unlike themselves. 

As for Dowding, she says she's encouraged to hear that an in-person program is coming to the region. 

"That would benefit a lot of people, especially around Windsor," she said. 

After Dowding shared the story of her stillbirth online, she says she heard from a lot of women who have gone through a similar situation or a miscarriage and have been "too ashamed" to tell their family about their loss. She says this has isolated them, leaving them without the support of their family. 

"It makes me really sad to think of all the women in the city who just haven't even spoken about their children because ... they're made to feel so ashamed of feeling like they're upset and like they've had a loss like that because there's just [no support]."

While there's no official start date for the program, CMHA says for bereavement support at any time and one-on-one counselling, people can call (519) 257-5111 ext. 72621.