'It's not everything': Former CFL player opens up about mental illness

Two physical injuries may have prematurely ended 27-year-old Frank Renaud's football career but his mental health was hidden from many.

Renaud was a linebacker who played at the University of Windsor and then professionally with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers and Hamilton Tiger Cats. He played his last game in 2018.

He opened up about his struggle with Windsor Morning host Tony Doucette.

What is your story?

Where do we start? I've been battling with mental health my whole life. I always had a very deep feeling for things. As I got older I learned to cope with that and I didn't talk about it because I thought it was normal.

Eventually, I started to share more. It led me to a point where I ended up going to the doctor and the doctor essentially diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. 

How old were you when you received that diagnosis?

I was somewhere between 19 and 20 when it really came about ... late high school, early university. I went and started talking to a doctor ... my mental health was something that I  needed to address.

Now you've had further diagnoses?

One thing led to the next and I experienced a manic episode in October 2018. I've now been diagnosed as bipolar, so I'm on this range scale where I can be very high energy and very low.

You were in Winnipeg at the time, playing for the Blue Bombers?

Yes. I was dealing with a lot, going through a period of self discovery. I messed up my knees, I had surgery. I spent my days really depressed. When I was at the stadium training and working out, I was full of energy. It was awesome, but the second I'd leave I was done for the day. I would cope by smoking weed and drinking and doing nothing to take care of myself. So that led to this manic episode. 

We had a game against the Roughriders and my intention was to leave early so I could catch a flight back to Windsor ... I had, weeks prior, bought two tickets on the same day. I was out of it. I just wasn't all there. I ended up missing those flights and then I bought another ticket to get on a flight Sunday morning. 

My fear was I was going to miss the flight, so I didn't sleep that night. One thing led to the next ... I was talking to a friend and I hadn't slept. I was ramped up and [the friend] told me they were going to call an ambulance because ... something was going on. An ambulance took me to the hospital and I was eventually admitted into the mental health unit in Winnipeg and it was there they had diagnosed me as bipolar. 

I look at bipolar as a gift.- Frank Renaud, former CFL player

How has that diagnosis changed things?

I look at [being diagnosed] bipolar as a gift. It took me a long time to look at it as a gift. For the longest time I looked at is as 'You should be ashamed of yourself, you're messed up.' I was always judging myself and I was hard on myself until I realized that yeah, I might be diagnosed as bipolar but it's not everything. It's not my entirety.

How is life for you now?

It's amazing. I'm just going with the flow of life, enjoying the journey. I stopped putting pressure on myself to be anywhere but here. Everyday is a beautiful day for me because there's always something to look forward to and enjoy. I love every morning because I get to wake up and share a little bit of myself and I love waking up every day knowing that it's another opportunity for me.