Toronto vigil honours 35 Ontario women killed by violence last year

Above the darkness and the rain, a collective wail shattered the night — an audible release of pain and anger after the names of women slain in Ontario this year were read aloud.

More than 50 men and women offered up a scream outside the University of Toronto "to break the silence" surrounding ongoing violence against women on the anniversary of l'Ecole Polytechnique massacre in Montreal.

"When we stay silent, we're being complacent," Eve Hoffman said Tuesday night. "So we're saying, 'No, we won't stand for it,' and we're letting out a guttural emotion together."

Mixed emotions

Those emotions are mixed, she said. A sense of frustration at listening to 35 names. Of disbelief.

And there's anger, too, Hoffman said.

"I'm angry that I can't walk alone at night without being scared. I'm angry that when I go park my bike in the parking garage, I'm holding my keys in between my fingers," she said. "I'm angry, but I think for a lot of people it's a lot of different things."

Elana Fric-Shamji's name was read out alongside the 34 others Tuesday. Her remains were found last Thursday and her husband has been charged with first-degree murder in her death. The charge has not been proven in court.

But the woman's death "reaffirms, unfortunately, that violence really cuts across all socioeconomic statuses and races and cultures," community activist and author Farheem Khan said. "There's no one group of individuals that perpetrates more than another."

It's a men's issue

By and large, however, it is men who perpetrate violence against women. 

And that's why U.S. educator Jackson Katz said that any violence prevention programs need to focus on men — especially teens and young males. His TED talk Violence against women — it's a men's issue, explains how mass media celebrates men who objectify women, including forms of sexual violence. 

He founded the Mentors in Violence Prevention initiative, which is meant to challenge stereotypical ideas about masculinity and how men should treat women. 

• Violence against women has touched us all, Wynne says on anniversary of Montreal Massacre

Canada's White Ribbon organization has a similar philosophy.

It's leading workshops across Canada meant to prevent intimate violence by teaching teens about healthy relationships. 

The workshops are also focused on building emotional intelligence among the teen boys to dispel the myth that "real men" shouldn't feel any emotion outside of anger, said Kevin Vowles, who works directly with teens.  

"When we're able to articulate our feelings when something happens ... then we're better able to have more effective communication and people aren't going to get angry," he said. 

"I've walked down hallways and I've actually heard youth speaking out against violence and saying, 'Hey, it's not cool to say that. You can't say that about her.' So, for me, as a man doing this work in the field, I feel really inspired when I see the change happening."