Burnt out? You're not alone. How to care for your mental health over the holidays

Family get-togethers, sparkling lights and cheery holiday music might signal a time full of happiness for some. But for others, the holiday season can deepen feelings of isolation and stress.

That's why, experts say, it's best to check with loved ones, friends and even acquaintances to let them know you're there to help — no matter which group they fall into. 

"We've all gone through a very difficult form of what we call chronic stress — a stressor that's just not going away," said Steve Joordens, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto Scarborough.

"That kind of stressor wears us down and eventually leads to burnout, and I think many of us are at that point now."

Mental health has taken dive after dive during the pandemic, experts say, with the holiday season proving to be especially stressful for many. During this time, they say it's especially important for people to learn how to combat loneliness, prioritize their well-being and how to ask for help when things get unmanageable. 

Here are some steps you can take if you're feeling overwhelmed:

Increase and maintain social support systems

Building up social networks by making new connections and strengthening existing ones is an important way to build resilience, says Joordens. That advice that may be particularly useful to young people who lost out on formative years traditionally marked with partying, socializing and traveling once the COVID-19 pandemic hit. 

In this case, Joordens says people can:

• Practice active listening by paying attention to what the other party is saying and responding to verbal and non-verbal cues.
• Go into conversations with no judgment.
• Find common ground with people — particularly when trying to avoid conflict.
• Learn how to get past the fear of being negatively judged by others by practicing social interactions.
• Check in on friends and family, even if they don't seem to struggle with isolation.

By increasing the ability to socialize and form connections, people are more likely to feel heard and seen, and to share their feelings with others.

"Social connection is the number one predictor of happiness, of mental health, of physical health, everything,"  said Joordens. 

"Every social connection you add will help you deal with that chronic stress. It literally feels like a safety net."

Know when to take a step back

At such a busy time of the year, it's also easy to put other people's needs above your own, says Michael Anhorn, CEO of the Canadian Mental Health Association's Toronto chapter.

That's why being honest about your expectations for the holidays can be a helpful way to keep stress down for everyone.

"What's realistic this year? It might look different —  it can still be fun, it can still be filled with joy. But it might look different," said Anhorn.

Beyond busy Christmas and New Year events, Anhorn says it's important for people to monitor their stress levels. Going back to the basics, like reserving time for self-care, making sure you're eating and sleeping right and maintaining as normal a routine as possible can all help.

But when things get too hard to manage alone, Anhorn encourages people to try the Ontario Structured Psychotherapy Program, a free in-person or virtual therapy for people experiencing depression, anxiety and anxiety-related conditions, or CMHA's BounceBack program, a free program for people 15 and older to help manage low mood, mild to moderate depression, anxiety, stress or worry.

"When your self-care stops working, please remember to reach out to people. Many of us are told and taught not to reach out for help, and our message is it's OK," said Anhorn.

Where to get help

Canada Suicide Prevention Service

• Toll-free 1-833-456-4566
• Text: 45645
• Chat: crisisservicescanada.ca 
• In French: Association québécoise de prévention du suicide: 1-866-APPELLE (1-866-277-3553) 

Kids Help Phone: 

• Phone: 1-800-668-6868
• Text: TALK to 686868 (English) or TEXTO to 686868 (French)
• Live Chat counselling at www.kidshelpphone.ca 

Post-Secondary Student Helpline:

• Phone: 1-866-925-5454 
• Good2talk.ca 

Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: Find a 24-hour crisis centre

If you're worried someone you know may be at risk of suicide, you should talk to them, says the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. Here are some warning signs:

• Suicidal thoughts.
• Substance abuse.
• Purposelessness.
• Anxiety.
• Feeling trapped.
• Hopelessness and helplessness.
• Withdrawal.
• Anger.
• Recklessness.
• Mood changes.