How a Tamil woman's sex toy company is breaking taboos in the South Asian community

"Boldly Asian" is a CBC Toronto series for Asian Heritage Month focused on telling the stories of those in the Asian Diaspora who may be seen as the "other" within their community and how they are redefining what it means to be Asian Canadian.  

Mathusha Senthil wants South Asian women to know sex isn't a dirty word. 

But it's a word the 29-year-old digital marketer couldn't say in Tamil, her mother tongue, for years — well into her 20s. 

"It's that concept of out of mind, out of sight. If you don't talk about it, then maybe it doesn't exist," Senthil said. "But it does exist." 

Out of this discomfort, Senthil founded the online adult toy store Thaen Pot. The small business targets sex toys and language around sexuality to the Tamil and South Asian community — which often views such conversations as taboo.

The online store has resonated with women, many of whom say that having a platform like this has helped them embrace their sexuality and sexual pleasure. Meanwhile, others say it opens up conversations about consent and sexual health.  

She says that's exactly why a platform like this is important for South Asian women. 

"We also want to tackle the stigmas and stereotypes that were often associated with things such as pleasure and intimacy and sex," she said.

"By not talking about it, we give room for misinformation and we give room for not being able to have complete autonomy over your bodies."

'Thaen' is the Tamil word for honey. Thaen Pot is a play on the term 'honeypot.'

"Oftentimes when you think of sex, you often associate it with sweet things. And so honey just felt very safe," Senthil said.

The online shop is paired with a digital magazine, Thaen X, run by Laxana Paskaran, that focuses on sexual wellness in the South Asian diaspora, with articles on a range of topics from consent culture to post-partum sex.

Sabina Sabaratnam is a Newmarket-based music teacher who advocates on Instagram for women to embrace their sexuality.

"I feel like the [Tamil] community thinks that anything to do with ... let's say, intimacy, I feel like they have, like, a very negative perception on it. Like it's seen as a sin for some reason.'

She says efforts like Thaenpot make her very proud.

The 30-year-old emphasizes that it has taken her a long time to get to a point when she can post about sexuality publicly on social media and have frank talks with her mother.

"Consent and non-consent, I never had those conversations before. And I really wish I did, because I could have avoided a lot of things."

She talks of a recent moment that reveals how far both she and her mother have come.

"My mom actually saw a couple of my vibrators in my drawer. And it was really awkward," said Sabaratnam. "And I was like, 'Would you rather me go to some stranger? Or would you just rather me do it in my room and just be happy by myself?'" 

She says her mother just looked at her and said: "Okay, true."

Terms translated for better communication

The business and the e-zine have also translated terms associated with sex and pleasure into Tamil. 

Thaen Pot teamed up with The Tamil Channel, a platform that helps second-generation Tamils learn the language to find the correct Tamil vocabulary. "Masturbation" was translated to "suya inbam," and "sex toy" to "paaliyal vilaiyaadup porul." 

Senthil says it is difficult for young people to discuss concepts around sex with elders because no one associates Tamil words with the terms. 

"I didn't know the word for them ... even when I reached out to elders to be like, 'Hey, how do I say this word?' A lot of the responses were, 'It doesn't exist.'" 

"Even to that older generation, it's so taboo that they've never talked about it and they've never verbalized it themselves," she said.

By drawing attention to the Tamil translation for these terms, she hopes to get rid of the stigma that surrounds different generations talking to each other about sex.

"[The terms] do exist," Senthil said.

"[I hope] it opens up space and room for conversation with our parents, with our grandparents ... in a way that's accessible to them."

Some South Asians think sexuality is 'for white people,' expert says

Dr. Varuna Srinivasan is a physician by training, a public health researcher and an advocate on issues surrounding sexuality in South Asian cultures.

Srinivasan talks about her childhood and not knowing the Tamil vocabulary for the terms she sees on Thaen Pot until she was much older.  

"Language and education is just so imperative in our knowledge and in the way that we view ourselves and our bodies... and in encouraging kids to think more openly about their sexuality," Srinivasan said.

She says the South Asian narrative around sex and embracing sexuality is often rooted in the thinking that it is reserved for white people. 

"We live in such white-dominated spaces and we are often told by our parents that live-in relationships are for white people ... having a girlfriend or boyfriend at 16 is for white people." Srinivasan said.

"So this idea of being in touch with your sexuality means like being white."

"I think that's exactly where we fail as a culture because all of us deserve to be in touch with our sexuality and not feel any shame or guilt for it."

She sees this as an opportunity for Tamil families to have an open dialogue about more complex topics.

"Then we can start talking a little bit more, having open conversations about, oh, 'Don't touch me,' that's consent, what is a welcome touch, what's an unwelcome touch," she said. 

She says though Thaen Pot targets a younger audience, it makes the conversation around sex and sexuality more accessible for all.

"Representation really matters. When you have two South Asian, Tamil women who come out with a store like this, who talk about sex openly, you're literally inspiring a generation."

Interest driven by younger generation

The company has received some backlash, but Senthil says it is mostly from more traditional men who say the venture doesn't align with the values of South Asian culture. 

But she says that was to be expected. 

"I think that it's because [of] the patriarchy and men's position or roles in our culture or what we have assigned to them in terms of what their duties are," Senthil said.

"When they think about women in particular who have autonomy over themselves, who want to explore a bit more, they feel a bit threatened."

Senthil says she credits the success of the company and its initiative to the younger generation.

"I think young Tamil, non-binary folks, they have really started this conversation on platforms," she said.  

"They were posting the talks about being sexually active, about their bodies. They were tweeting about it. So they really kind of pushed the conversation out to the forefront. 

"So definitely a lot of the credit goes to the younger folks. That's a fact."