At 50 years old, a Sudbury transgender woman came out

It was almost a year ago when Sudbury's Adrianne de Vos changed her life, after realizing that it was time to truly be herself, something she felt she'd been hiding since she was young.

In September 2018, on her 50th birthday de Vos came out as a transgender woman.

"It actually started out of a failed marriage and I suddenly had to look at how my life was going to be in the future," said de Vos.

"And it wasn't until after I our relationship was over, we'd lost our home, there was relationship troubles with the kids, and then I really had to look at, you know, what did I really want."

She says for nearly her whole life she hid who she truly was, she never told anyone about her true gender identity — including her wife — when her marriage ended, that's what really pushed her to become herself.

"Through being bullied as a teenager I really wanted to fit in, I didn't want to be a person who was being ostracized all the time so it became very important for me to be normal and popular," she said. "My identity has been something that's been around since the beginning of puberty and I rejected it because I wanted to be normal. I wanted to have a normal life and just be able to fit in."

"I was very scared too, obviously at 50-years-old to come out, but it wasn't something I was willing to hold back on anymore. I was done hiding. I was done trying to cover it up. It needed to be the way that it is," de Vos said.

She says for the most part, her children accepted her gender identity, although it wasn't always an easy conversation.

"The harder part was for them to see me start to change in terms of my looks and how I was dealing with them and also it just happened to be during the divorce, so that just made it twice as difficult for them," said de Vos. "It really was a hard time for them. For some of them even just socially they felt scared, as I did, in terms of how their friends were going to treat them if they were going to be alienated."

However, she says that for the most part everyone in her life has accepted who she really is, while some of her co-workers still have a little bit of a hard time seeing her be different, most have come to accept it.

"Overall even in my family, they have been extremely supportive, my brother jumped on board right away, using proper pronouns, getting the kids, you know, his children to use proper pronouns and be accepting some the support has been overall positive," said de Vos. 

She says the past year has been amazing, the support she's gotten from the community and just allowing her to be herself has helped her become more content in her life.

"I've also had supports within the city other transgender people have provided assistance and in helping me grow you know in a positive way and maybe not fall through some of the pitfalls that that other people have suffered through in the past," she said.

For the future she hopes to help youth and their families to help them understand the changes that a transgender person will go through.

"I have a very big passion for the kids to grow up and grow up in and in a world where they can understand their identity right off and sometimes that's not easy with parents. Parents don't understand, it's a different world for them," de Vos said.

She says even if parents are supportive and accepting it's hard for them to see their children go through the process and have to deal with societies stigmas. She hopes to help parents navigate through the process, that she's had to navigate through for herself.

"So I see that in my future, helping other people sort of navigate what I've had to navigate because I understand that, so you know, I can give that perspective," said de Vos.