Sudbury conference seeks to help those affected by suicide
Getting people to talk about trauma can help ease deep insecurities, therapist says
How can we do more to helping those left behind after suicide? A conference scheduled for next week in Sudbury aims to get people talking about how to move forward.
The event will discuss suicide "post-vention" — a sit-down that takes place with people left behind after someone close dies by suicide.
The event has been put together by the youth suicide prevention advisory committee, and people are encouraged to attend the free conference next Thursday from 1 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. at the Steelworkers' Union Hall and Conference Centre on Brady Street.
On the event website, the group said "this forum is designed to inspire change by promoting the collaboration of community partners in an effort to further support survivors of suicide loss."
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Scott Chisholm is one of the many speakers expected to share his story. He lost his father to suicide when he was 17 years old. Three decades later, he said he still sees the damage losing a loved one can do to a family left to cope — Chisolm is now a first responder.
When we feel disconnected and feel alone after we lose someone to suicide, there are things we can do about it.- Scott Chisholm, conference speaker
"We're really well-trained to deal with the trauma that happens. Whether it's a suicide attempt or somebody's died by suicide. When I go to leave, I can look in the kitchen and I can see a family who has just gone through the greatest trauma of their life," Chisholm said.
"But we leave. We don't have training for that."
The lack of support leaves those affected by the loss in a place where they are at greater risk of taking their own life, according to Chisholm.
Sudbury therapist Allan Chislett agrees with that notion.
'That sense of failure'
"The fact that there would be that much outpouring towards the dead person, they might be drawn to that in a very disillusioned way," Chislett noted.
"The effect of it is shocking. The impact of the disbelief, as the information slowly filters in and the person's realizing what's happened," Chislett said.
"They start trying to review, look in hindsight. They get caught in saying, 'What didn't I see? How could I not know?' That sense of failure — it's almost like a deep insecurity in not being able to know."
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Baby steps can go a long way, the therapist acknowledged.
"It doesn't have to be formal responses. Its about being able to sit and listen," Chislett said. "It's about people being able to talk about it and everybody being used to talking about death and suicide and not to get uncomfortable."
Chisholm recognizes communication didn't happen in his case as a teenager. He noted that even in 2016, not much seems to have changed.
"Nobody talked about the suicide of my dad. It went silent. That was 33 years ago. And the same thing happens today," the first responder said.
"When we feel disconnected and feel alone after we lose someone to suicide, there are things we can do about it."