'Home is the perfect setting': More choosing to bring dead loved ones into the home

There is a slow movement underway in Saskatchewan, a return to more traditional ways where a family would sit with a dead loved one, in a vigil, at home.  

This is what I call a gift in our death.- Sharon Pulvermacher, death doula

"They want to be in control of their mourning. They want time, and time is the essential need," said Don Morris, an advocate and educator for home funerals.

"Home is the perfect setting,"

This is the way it used to be.

A return to the old ways 

Regina-based death doula Sharon Pulvermacher is one of about 40 people in Saskatchewan trained to help people conduct a home funeral vigil. Her desire to help people reconnect with death finds its roots in her own childhood, and her own experiences sitting with a lost family member.

You want family harmony.- Don Morris, home funeral advocate

"I was 10, it was my grandfather," she said in an interview with CBC Radio's Saskatoon Morning.

"It was very natural and normal because this is what we did back 60 years ago and it was just part of the fabric of life."

The logistics of a home funeral vigil are pretty simple, according to Morris. He said the deceased must be washed and the body must be kept cool, and that a vigil can last a couple of days. The real benefits, and the challenges, are emotional.

"Having the person at home presents the opportunity to adjust to the reality that the person is now gone forever," he said.

"This is what I call a gift in our death, a gift in when we allow those opportunities for people to say their final goodbyes and to say that they are sorry for things that happened and ask for forgiveness ... and say that I love you," added Pulvermacher.

The challenge, of course, may come when family members and friends disagree, with some opposed to the idea. In such a case, if no compromise can be found, Morris suggested, a home funeral vigil might not be the best idea.

 "You want family harmony," he said.