'Bursting at the seams with unbearable love': Regina couple eagerly awaits child carried by a surrogate

My partner and I are expecting a baby any day now.

There's nothing too extraordinary about this. People are born everyday. I suppose what makes this slightly different is that our baby is currently housed in the belly of a Gestational Surrogate that happens to live in Winnipeg, while we are in Regina.  

We are expecting that phone call any day. We'll jump in the car, already pre-packed with the car seat and all the other baby things, and head 600 kilometres east to experience the birth of our child. Holy cow.  

I am overcome by this cruel unstoppable forward motion of time, as I long desperately for all those little moments that seem over before they have ever happened.- Joey Tremblay

When people ask us how we are feeling about expecting a baby, we have a hard time answering beyond the obvious clichés of, "gee, we are so excited. We are nervous. Terrified. Unprepared." Inevitably, that is followed by friendly but irksome warnings. "It's going to be hard work, you know. Be prepared to never sleep again. Say goodbye to your old lifestyle."

I'm not sure why people feel compelled to state the obvious and paint the arrival of our child as a kind of pending doomsday era of suffering. As if we haven't thought about it. As if we haven't fretted about the sleepless nights. As if we haven't considered how everything will change completely.  

We hear you folks, loud and clear. It ain't easy raising children. We want to do it anyway.

'I'm head over heels in love'

We are often asked about the experience of having a child through a surrogate. That's hard to answer because we've never had a child any other way. For two fathers, experiencing the gestational miracle within our bodies has never been an option.

So like most dads, we spend a lot of time trying to imagine what is happening in that womb. We try to keep connected with the unfathomable concept that our genetic material is growing in a womb many miles away and will soon present itself as a little human. Our baby.  

As we get closer to the big day, I have to say that imagining our baby as a fully fleshed being is starting to work, because truthfully I'm so in love. I'm head over heels in love with a being I haven't even met yet.  

I'm overtaken by the agony and the ecstasy that comes with a first crush. But a kind of crush that I've never experienced before. A love that is both euphoric and terrifying. It's unbearable even, and if I indulge in it too much I find myself snot-nosed weeping while I'm doing some mundane task like washing the dishes or ordering a cappuccino at a coffee shop.
 
Take the other day. I'm in the new nursery busily fussing to get things just right. I was organizing all those impossibly cute baby outfits, placing them into their appropriate drawers, when I came across the sweetest pair of miniature socks.  Suddenly the image of our baby's tiny feet flashed before me. I imagined the joy of delicately covering those wee toes with this ridiculously miniscule sock. Again I find myself bawling, speaking out loud to my imagined baby.

"Don't mind me baby. Papa is overcome with both a joyful bliss and a deep deep sadness. For in this moment, I know that one day your tiny foot will be too big for this sock, your legs too long for that crib, and your independence too large to let me hold your hand as I walk you to school." 

'So much love'

So when you ask me how I'm feeling these anxious days before the baby is born, truthfully I'm not at all worried about the sleepless nights, the 3 a.m. feedings, all the diaper changes. I say bring it on.  

Instead I should tell you that I'm overwhelmed with a premature nostalgia. I am overcome by this cruel unstoppable forward motion of time, as I long desperately for all those little moments that seem over before they have ever happened.   

That's what waiting for my baby has been like. I'm just sitting here bursting at the seams with unbearable love. So much love. All the love. Eternal love. That's all.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Since writing this article, Joey and Corey welcomed a healthy baby into the world. Stay tuned for part two of this story, as the couple begin their lives as parents. 

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