Growing up on a reserve, I never felt like I fit in. A DNA test revealed the hidden truth
Finding out I was African helped me embrace a part of my identity I’d never known
This First Person column is the experience of Linda Ewack, who lives in Regina. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.
Growing up in small-town Saskatchewan, I never fit in with the other kids and they were always sure to let me know it.
If the lights were off, they would tell me to smile, mocking me about the contrast between my teeth and my dark skin.
While I knew I was Indigenous on my mom's side, my skin was darker than other kids in my home reserve of Ocean Man First Nation.
My mom had told me I was half-Black, but the only information she had on my biological father was that he had the nickname "Jimmy," and she figured he was Jamaican based on the friends he had kept.
I went to school in a small rural town where there weren't other Black kids. I was only exposed to negative stereotypes and attitudes toward Black people and Muslims, particularly in the wake of the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attack on the World Trade Centre.
Being Black wasn't a part of my identity that I embraced growing up. But neither was being Indigenous. For whatever reason, going to sweats and ceremonies didn't quite feel like it resonated with me when I was a child. That Indigenous identity was a big part of my mother's side of the family and the more I learned about Indigenous culture and ceremony, I grew to embrace that part of myself over time.
Still as loving as my mother was, I felt as if I wasn't worthy of anything because my father had just left me like I was nothing.
I could never have guessed that finding my African roots would help fill a hole in the adult me that binge-drinking and self-hatred had just kept tearing apart.
A DNA test with unexpected results
In December 2022, I took a DNA test through 23andMe, and the results turned my world upside-down. My partner recorded my reaction as I opened my phone to see the results and learned I was 49 per cent Ethiopian.
My first reaction was to laugh, as I realized my mom hadn't known much at all about my biological father. But then as I kept looking and learned I had a half-sister I had never known, my laughter turned to tears.
Family has always been so important to me, and here I had a biological sister that I had missed knowing for years.
This sister had been born in Regina but had since moved to Toronto. She had more information on our father, including his name, Jimale, but not his whereabouts.
While we were getting to know each other, I received a message from a distant cousin in the United Kingdom, who was connected to our father's side of the family.
Days later, I received a phone call from that same cousin, who told us we had living grandparents, uncles, aunties and cousins. Our father however had died a couple of years earlier due to COVID-19. I was shocked by the news, realizing if I'd taken the test earlier, I might have connected with him. But I had this whole other family to discover.
It was truly amazing to learn that even though our biological father did not see the value of staying in touch with his children, our newfound family members did.
The wheels came into motion for my newfound sister and me to visit our extended family in Africa. I was scared to go meet these strangers, knowing that as Muslims, my relatives may not accept me as a Two-Spirit person. But my sister went ahead of me and her bravery and encouragement opened the door for me to join her there.
Our extended family purchased a ticket for me to visit them in Somaliland in the Horn of Africa last year, and I arrived shortly after the death of my paternal grandfather.
I met my sister at the airport and felt instant recognition. I thought she was the most beautiful person and amazingly, she looked like me. I hadn't seen myself as beautiful growing up, but seeing my sister and other relatives made me realize I was indeed beautiful — and that I fit in.
After struggling with self-worth and abandonment all my life, my family's willingness to embrace me with open arms showed me I'm worthy of love.
Now that I've seen the country and people where my father came from, I realize that the negative attitudes I grew up hearing and seeing about Black people and Muslims were misguided.
Somaliland and my family have been through brutal war and conflict, but they've both risen again from the ashes of war like a phoenix. This part of my family has shown me that it doesn't matter how much you've been through or how much hurt you've seen. It's never too late to rebuild your life or to find new sources of love.
There is a great deal of intersectionality in my family — and in my own identity.
One half of my family is deeply connected to the Creator and Indigenous traditions but the other half is deeply connected with Allah and Islam.
So now I see myself as many things, including Two-Spirit, Black and Indigenous. The journey that a DNA test launched me on has taught me that I am 100 per cent whole, in and of myself.
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For more stories about the experiences of Black Canadians — from anti-Black racism to success stories within the Black community — check out Being Black in Canada, a CBC project Black Canadians can be proud of. You can read more stories here.
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