How a new dad is mourning the loss of his wife while raising a newborn

After years of struggling with infertility, Morgan and Lisa MacLean rejoiced at the birth of their daughter Meredith on the morning of March 8, a birthday Lisa shared with her new baby.

But just hours later, Lisa, 33, died due to complications from her C-section.

"Not many people have one of the most joyful moments of their life and one of the most tragic moments of their life happen to them within a couple of hours period. It's hard to balance the joyfulness of when I'm holding Meredith and how happy I am, with … still trying to mourn the loss of my wife," said MacLean, who lives in Charlottetown.

"They're two thoughts that don't co-exist together at all. And it's hard to feel one without feeling guilty about not feeling the other."

A 'genuine, caring' woman

MacLean described his wife as a selfless, thoughtful person, who wanted to make the world a better place for anybody and everybody.

"She really just had a genuine, caring way about her," he said of Lisa, who worked with the John Howard Society, an organization that advocates for people who are incarcerated, and for criminal justice reform.

"Lisa liked to advocate for those who couldn't always necessarily advocate for themselves, and she was very good at that….That's something that I would really, really like to be able to instill in Meredith going forward."

Infertility struggles

Morgan and Lisa, who married in 2014, struggled with infertility for years, in big part because Lisa had endometriosis — a condition that affects the tissue that normally lines the uterus.

"Lisa shared our struggle with a lot of people, and it's something that a lot of people don't necessarily like to talk about … but it's more common that a lot of people think."

The couple had three miscarriages before trying in vitro fertilization (IVF). Their first round of IVF failed, but their second was a success, giving them Meredith.

A special family moment

After Meredith's birth, MacLean said Lisa was rushed back into the operating room. The three of them — mother, father, and daughter — were able to have a brief moment all together as a family.

"It was only really 30 seconds to a minute," he said. "But it's something that is absolutely precious to me, and I am more grateful than you could ever imagine for those photos and that time together because if we didn't have that time together, and Lisa was never able to hold her baby, I really don't know how I'd deal with that.

"I find it hard enough knowing that she went through so much adversity to get to the point to having Meredith here, and she's not able to enjoy the moments with her now."

'She thought of Meredith before anybody else'

Before Lisa died, he said he was able to tell her how proud he was of her, and what a great job she did with their baby girl.

"I know that the way Lisa took care of Meredith in her belly for those months, it was her pride and joy. She thought of Meredith before anybody else, and made her decisions based on what was best for her," he said.

"I'm just so proud of how well she did and how great of a mother she was to Meredith — and still is — and I'll make sure Meredith knows that for the rest of her life."

Trying to move forward

Since Lisa's death earlier this month, both of their families, as well as the Island community, have rallied around himself and Meredith. The outpouring of support has been overwhelming — more than he hoped for.

"Going forward, I know Meredith has a lot of people in her life that are going to love her and support her, outside of just myself. It's something that I can't thank people for enough. And I want to make sure that people know that it's not lost on my end how special that really is."

MacLean said he's now trying to return to some semblance of normalcy.

"I know Lisa would want us to move forward — not forget — but move forward," he said.

"I want to make sure that Meredith is as brave as Lisa was, as strong-willed as Lisa was, as caring as Lisa was, and if we're able to do that, I think that Lisa will smile down upon us proudly, and that's really my main goal, is to make sure that I raise Meredith to make Lisa proud."

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