Terminally ill P.E.I. actor Bill McFadden reflects on his life and his faith

A person walks into the chapel at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Charlottetown and Bill McFadden is already there.

He's talking to CBC's Matt Rainnie about his cancer diagnosis, his decision not to undergo treatment and ultimately — his decision to die.

But McFadden doesn't miss a beat. He ignores the interview and focuses on the person.

He asks them if the two can share a prayer and springs into a verse.

"In the quiet of this morning hour I come to thee for peace, wisdom and power. To view the world through love-filled eyes. Be patient, understanding, gentle, wise…"

The closer I followed with my faith, I'm able to pretty much get through anything.— Bill McFadden

McFadden has been diagnosed with inoperable cancer, which has spread through his body and become terminal. He has decided not to undergo treatment.

"So then they bring in the chemotherapy," he said.

The doctor told him it might give him extra time, but McFadden said he focuses on quality over quantity.

"The only other option left is prayer, meditation, contemplation, diet and exercise."

Faith has been important to him as he approaches the end of his life. And that life is full.

"Years ago I was taught that if I sought first the kingdom of God everything would be added to me. I was a bit skeptical at times, but I followed that path," he said.

"The closer I followed with my faith, I'm able to pretty much get through anything that the wind or the waves toss my way."

A fixture on the Island

It's not uncommon to open the door of a local coffee shop or the public library and see McFadden already there, ready to have a conversation — ready to preach.

He has become an Island fixture. There is even an Instagram page dedicated to sightings of McFadden throughout Charlottetown.

McFadden is ingrained in the community. He's a respected stage and screen actor, a preacher, a town crier and even ran in the most recent race for Charlottetown mayor.

He was born in Germany, but was raised as an American before making the move to Canada.

McFadden comes from a military family. While living in Arlington, Va., his father told him if he wanted to lead an army he would have to take a speech course because he would have to convince soldiers to follow orders. McFadden said he took that training into acting.

"If you're able to convince people of that in the military you can also convince an audience about anything."

It was the second play he was in, H.M.S. Pinafore,  that convinced him to change his path — from the military to the stage. McFadden liked the affection he got after a performance.

"There were all these cousins and sisters and aunts would hug me and kiss me and throw me on the couch," he said.

I keep getting out of the theatre and then someone comes along and asks me to do something.— Bill McFadden

He told his mother he didn't want to join the military like other members of the family had.

Then in the early '60s his father got transferred so he could get his PhD in physics at Purdue University in Indiana.

"Purdue University had probably the best equipped theatre in the whole world at the time. In the summertime I would take theatre courses. I would usher at night to watch how the professionals did it," McFadden said.

"I was very blessed to go to schools that had very good theatre departments."

'Warmth and love'

He said meeting women who appreciated acting also helped solidify his decision to pursue the art form.

"That first time when you got out there … you just feel that warmth and love."

His acting career brought him to Ottawa where he played the lead in Woyzeck. There he met a woman from the Island. When she got pregnant, the pair decided to move to P.E.I.

"We lived in a place called Panmure Island and I was out there and I was raising goats and chickens," he said.

"I was going to stay out of the theatre."

Just because you get sober doesn't mean life just leaves you alone.— Bill McFadden

However, in the late '60s a local asked him to be part of a play called The Carpet at the Confederation Centre.

"I keep getting out of the theatre and then someone comes along and asks me to do something. Once again you get out there and you got those people and they're laughing and they're crying and they're thinking."

McFadden has acted in the recent P.E.I. film Pogey Beach and appeared on several episodes of the TV series Emily of New Moon.

"Through Emily of New Moon I got an agent, through Emily of New Moon I was able to get into the actors union," he said.

Struggle with addiction

Getting those acting breaks wasn't easy. McFadden struggled with alcoholism and became sober 32 years ago.

He woke up in someone's basement May 2, 1987, got into a fight with one of his former partner's boyfriends and went downtown and sat outside the Confederation Centre.

"Hungover. May the second was a hot day that year and I just so much wanted a cup of coffee."

McFadden said a woman passed him holding bananas and he asked where she was going.

The only way to expel the dark is with a little bit of light.— Bill McFadden

She told him she was going to a meeting.

"Oh yeah. I remember going to those meetings you get free coffee," he said.

He went to the addictions meeting and listened to people share their stories. When he was leaving he asked the group to pray that he wouldn't drink.

"Just because you get sober doesn't mean life just leaves you alone," McFadden said.

One of McFadden's 10 children took their own life four years ago.

'Light and dark'

"That was one of the hardest things that anybody has to deal with. I think we all have our crosses to bear," McFadden said, his usually booming voice cracking.

"When I used to preach, there's light and dark, and the only way to expel the dark is with a little bit of light."

The thing we are doing on Saturday is not a celebration of my life, it is a celebration of life in general.— Bill McFadden

He almost didn't get his certification to preach.

When they go through the final assessment, preachers are given a card — red meaning they didn't qualify, green meaning they did, and yellow meaning they may.

"I took the yellow card back to the bishop and he said 'Yeah they are a little nervous Bill,' McFadden said.

He was in his early 40s, only married for a few years at the time, only sober for a couple years, but they licensed him to preach.

McFadden said one on one is the way he prefers to preach.

"Having those one-on-one moments like that, those are the most fulfilling."

McFadden gives the person who walked into the chapel at the QEH a bit of advice before they part.

"Never let a closed door stop you from prayer."

Celebration of life

There is a celebration of life this weekend at St. Peter's Cathedral in Charlottetown starting at 7 p.m. on Saturday. The event is called Taking Bill to Church, but McFadden maintains the event isn't just for him.

"The thing we are doing on Saturday is not a celebration of my life, it is a celebration of life in general," McFadden said.

"Just think of us and we will think of you, because as we start doing that, we start caring about one another then the world gets to be a better place."

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