Isolation diaries: Living in solitude during a pandemic has left some feeling lonelier than ever

Sitting in her parking space after work, Susan McCarthy thinks about the "very bland, yellow walls" waiting for her behind the door to her apartment in Charlottetown.

The thought that follows is uncomfortable.

"[I] know that this is going to be where I'm going to be for the next four or five hours until I go to bed."

She lingers in her car a few moments longer. It's a new habit, she said, formed over the past several weeks during COVID-19.

While McCarthy, 33, said she's grown accustomed to living alone over the last six years, enduring the pandemic by herself has brought on feelings, at times, of extreme loneliness, exhaustion and isolation.

The loneliness, in particular, has acted as "a little black cloud at the back of my mind," she said.

"That fear of not knowing how long you're going to have to do this for was exhausting."

'It does take a toll'

McCarthy counts herself among those lucky enough to still have been permitted to go to work during COVID-19. The daily change in scenery from the confines of her apartment, she said, was necessary for her mental health.

But aside from distanced conversations at the  water cooler, her social calendar, as for most others, was suddenly wiped clean when COVID-19 restrictions like physical distancing were put in place in March.

I've watched more Netflix in the last two months than ever before.— Susan McCarthy

Before the pandemic, McCarthy said she was busy with friends between four and five nights on any given week.

The sudden, imposed solitude for this self-described extrovert was shocking.

"I've had no real human contact for almost two months and it does take a toll," she said.

'Major shock'

Islander Adrian Smith, who lives along Rustico Bay, said living alone during the pandemic has been "excruciating" at times.

"I did quite well for the first couple of weeks and then after that it just seemed to be too much," Smith said.

For Smith, the loneliness that came with the pandemic triggered a deep sense of loss and disconnect.

"That was the biggest thing," he said, "not being able to touch people.

"I think it's such a healing gift ... touch. I was raised in a very affectionate, loving family. That was in my nature, so that was a major shock." 

In the early days of COVID-19, the 58-year-old said he wasn't overly concerned about what the coming days could mean for him.

"I guess I was a little naive, in the sense of thinking that they were talking two weeks, maybe three," he said.

"I think I had my head around that, you know, you can do anything for a couple of weeks. I could bear with this, I had overcome lots of other stuff."

In an effort to quell her loneliness, McCarthy said she was forced to find new ways to connect with people, which meant going virtual.

Online trivia put on by Small Print Board Game Café and the Churchill Arms pub in Charlottetown and virtual Netflix parties with friends soon became a regular part of her COVID-19 routine. 

"I've watched more Netflix in the last two months than ever before."

McCarthy was connecting with both Island friends and loved ones from Newfoundland, where she grew up, via online conference calls as well.

Accentuate the positive

Looking on the bright side, McCarthy said the pandemic has allowed her to finally polish off what was a growing to-do list around the house, which she had been expertly avoiding.

But even in choosing to seek out the silver lining, as COVID-19 restrictions continue to be slowly peeled back, McCarthy said she can't help but feel relieved.

As painful as the last two months were, it has been extremely … rewarding.— Adrian Smith

Her last memory from before the pandemic, she said, is an image of her and a group of friends, huddled at a table at the Churchill Arms, consulting over a trivia answer sheet.

The image leaves her with hope that one day she'll be able to make more of those memories.

"I'm very optimistic that we will be able to do it again but I recognize that there will be a new normal that we will have to adjust to." 

In an effort to dissipate his loneliness, Smith said after the first couple of weeks of COVID-19, he searched for new creative outlets to see him through the remainder of the pandemic.

It led him, he said, to begin devoting one hour each day to writing in a journal. After he's done, Smith posts his musings on Facebook with the hope that others might extract a small glimmer of wisdom, hope or inspiration.

Smith said he was moved to start writing as a result of seeing an increase in people reaching out online to share things like workout videos or baking tutorials over the last several weeks.

He noticed that people were gravitating toward the content.

Now, Smith posts his reflections on Facebook, often accompanied by a P.E.I. sunset from an evening stroll with his dog Nelly, seemingly urging his audience to breathe in and exhale.

"As painful as the last two months were, it has been extremely … rewarding," he said.

"I did learn that I can be alone," he said. "I was forced to learn something new about myself." 

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