Grieving mom raises funds for mental health in wake of son's death

Saturday night's fundraiser Get Ready to Get Loud for Mental Health is serving several purposes for organizer Kelly MacKinnon: it's helping her cope with the loss of her 18-year-old son Deejay Gallant to suicide, it's raising money to help other families in crisis and it will bring together the community to both heal and celebrate. 

• UPEI mental health projects awarded $10K in funding
• P.E.I. mental health and addictions strategy to address 'service gaps'
• Charlottetown youth mental health services expanded

MacKinnon's son Deejay Gallant died on May 16 last year — his mother's birthday. The day started off fine, MacKinnon said, as Deejay wished her a happy birthday and went to school at Kinkora High School, where he was set to graduate in just a month. 

Maybe with this money being raised, more resources can be available where people feel comfortable when they're feeling down, that they can go talk to somebody.— Kelly MacKinnon

"Then I got a message at 9:59, through Facebook. He inboxed me and just basically told me that he needed this to be happy, again, for me to hold my head up high and be strong," MacKinnon said. Shortly after, Deejay took his own life.

"There was no signs, and I've beat myself up constantly since that day wondering, 'What did I miss? What did I not pick up on?'" MacKinnon said, on a break from her job at McCardle's potato warehouse in Middleton, P.E.I.

Deejay was coping with the loss of his grandfather a few months previous — who'd been like a father to him. His father died when Deejay was an infant. 

But Deejay had plans for the future, his mother said. He was excited to be graduating in June, then working for a year before taking a college program to care for youth. He was looking forward to getting his own place, and his own vehicle. He'd just taken his first trip out of the country, to the Dominican Republic, and loved it.

He'd worried about coming out as gay, but when he did in Grade 12 his friends and classmates supported him wholeheartedly, his mother said.

'He might still be here'

"I'm just wondering if Deejay had felt comfortable talking about how he felt, that he might still be here. I don't know. It's another unanswered question I'll always have," said MacKinnon. 

"Even though it was too late after the fact in my case, that maybe with this money being raised, more resources can be available where people feel comfortable when they're feeling down, that they can go talk to somebody," said MacKinnon. 

Funds raised will go the the Canadian Mental Health Association in P.E.I. to fund the Island Help Line and suicide prevention programming. 

MacKinnon is pleased that it'll be an opportunity for people to talk openly about mental health, which she notes "is just as important as physical health."

"It seems to be a growing concern amongst young people these days, whether it be anxiety or depression, any kind of mental illness. And I just feel heart drawn to help people so maybe another family might not go through the daily nightmare that I live every day."

'Makes me feel better'

MacKinnon has good days and bad now, but tries to stay positive, especially for her daughter, Jane. Helping others helps her cope, she said.

It makes me feel better too, it makes me feel like I have a purpose.— Kelly MacKinnon

"Knowing that if maybe I could reach out to somebody, it makes me feel better too, it makes me feel like I have a purpose," she said. 

Kinkora High School was "hit very hard" by Deejay's death, said MacKinnon. Last year she inaugurated a bursary in Deejay's memory on behalf of the school's gay-straight alliance, called the "sassy" award, for a student who isn't afraid to be themselves.

"It's nice to do something like that in his memory," she said.

And as Mother's Day comes and goes — the first without Deejay — and her birthday nears, Kelly MacKinnon said she may finally bring herself to read the note Deejay left for her on his iPod before he died. The RCMP went through the device looking for clues. It was police who told her the note was there, said MacKinnon.

"I tried multiple times even just to go on his iPod," she said. "But I got as far as turning it on, and I turned it off again. I wasn't ready yet."

Donations help fund suicide-prevention programs, said Pat Doyle with Canadian Mental Health in Charlottetown, and just getting people talking about mental health is an important function of MacKinnon's fundraiser.

"Awareness is huge," Doyle said. 

If you're struggling with your mental health, the Canadian Mental Health Association urges you to call the Island Help Line at 1-800-218-2885.

The fundraiser is for all ages — no alcohol will be served — and starts Saturday at 7 p.m. at the Crapaud Community Centre with admission by donation, entertainment from Nathan Condon and others, a bake table and an auction starting at 9 p.m. MacKinnon is hoping for more than 100 attendees. 

"And it's Mother's Day weekend, so people that haven't bought presents for their mothers, come on out to the auction and see what you can find!"