Refugee sponsors face moral, ethical dilemmas

When Astrid Le Jeune decided to help Syrian refugees, it was a selfless decision for the single mother of six.

But as she gets deeper into the process, she and her friends are facing the increasingly complicated problems that can come with bringing a family you don't know half way around the world.

Some of the private sponsorship groups that are spending countless hours to bring refugees here are realizing that raising thousands of dollars is actually the easy part.

The difficult decisions begin when a private group has to choose which family to sponsor. Both the government and non-governmental organizations have lists that describe the number of kids in each family, their health needs, any disabilities and whether family members were tortured while living in war-torn countries.

'Very hard, even if you have support'

Le Jeune initially chose to help a young Syrian widow and her four children, and spent many hours educating the woman about Canadian society and tempering her expectations when it came to housing, language training and the need to eventually find work.

I personally do not want to say pretty things and then someone come here and crumble. I want them to be well-informed, aware and ready to take on the challenges,- Astrid Le Jeune

Le Jeune said she wanted to be honest with the woman, who was clearly frightened about moving so far away and starting a new life without family or friends.

"It's very hard, even if you have support," Le Jeune said she told the Syrian widow through a friend who speaks Arabic. "You want people to understand that. I personally do not want to say pretty things and then someone come here and crumble. I want them to be well-informed, aware and ready to take on the challenges."

In this case, the widow was afraid and reluctant to come to Canada without other family members, so she chose to stay in Lebanon.

After investing so much, accepting the woman's decision was emotionally difficult for Le Jeune. She is now hoping to find a different refugee family to sponsor.

"It's hard to be a single mom, I'm a single mom. It's not easy. If you can imagine going to another country," said Le Jeune. "You don't know anyone, you don't speak the language. You have to have trust."

Le Jeune said some of her co-sponsors remain nervous about the unknowns, including security issues.

Power imbalance

David Pepper, treasurer of Capital Rainbow Refugee — a group that started sponsoring LGBTQ refugees about five years ago — said he understands the dilemmas facing both the sponsorship groups and the refugees overseas.

Private sponsorship groups are responsible for a refugee's financial and emotional care for the first year in Canada — a responsibility that can be daunting.

"We tell people you may not like them and they may not like you, and that's actually okay," said Pepper who is running a "sponsorship 101" course through Ottawa liaison organization Refugee 613. "The fundamental piece here is the sponsorship and the decision you've made as a group to commit to one year of support."

Pepper said the biggest issue he warns potential sponsors about is that there will be an imbalance of power between refugee and sponsor. Often before the refugee or family arrive, the group has already decided where the newcomers will live, go to school — even where the adults will work.

There's also the issue of privacy. Pepper said every member of a sponsorship may know the refugee's medical background and personal history.

"Understand the power imbalance and respect privacy and really focus on the needs and the contributions that the newcomer is providing," said Pepper.

'Beautiful' conflict

Firas Shammas came to Canada from Syria in 2013 and settled in Morrisburg, Ont., where he's a Presbyterian minister and is now helping sponsorship groups in Stormont, Dundas and Glengarry.

Shammas said the moral dilemma of bringing strangers into the community knowing there might not be instant compatibility isn't lost on him.

"I think the challenge is that you're making a commitment not only to provide for people's physical needs, but in a sense you're saying at some level that 'I will be a friend to this family,'" said Shammas. "This is something we don't do every day that we say that would be a friend with somebody who we don't know."

Katie Black, a litigation lawyer in Ottawa who is one of 1,000 lawyers across the country offering free legal services to refugees and their sponsors, said just because the process involves tough decisions — and potentially, conflict — it shouldn't discourage people from coming forward to sponsor refugee families.

"I don't view conflict as a bad thing. I view conflict as something that's really beautiful, because that's how people come to understand different cultures and that is where you're going to find the most enriching moments in that experience."