Pride movement ramps up in tiny Westport, Ont.
LGBTQ experience in small town Ontario leads to request for action
Well-known Westport, Ont., businessman Neil Kudrinko kept his sexuality a closely guarded secret for years, worried about being judged in his small community where everyone knows your business.
"The last thing that I wanted was for my sexuality to be an impediment to our family's success," said the 46-year-old grocery store owner, who identifies as pansexual.
"But over time … holding a secret is really tough. You have this aspect to yourself that you're not being honest or open about. You worry that somebody might find out your secret."
The father of two teenage sons told his wife before they got married and also confided with close friends, but it wasn't until earlier this month that he decided to make it public in a Facebook post launching a new Westport Pride group, for the community that sits about 120 kilometres south of Ottawa.
Kudrinko teamed up with fellow Westport resident Jessica Roberts, a 43-year-old culinary instructor who works at Jake by the Lake, a popular gift shop on the village's main street, asking the town council to declare an official Pride Week, May 31-June 6, and to raise a Pride flag in recognition.
"It needs to be said outwardly that you are welcome here, you are safe here, and that your community has your back," said Kudrinko.
"Our goal is really to educate the community about the diversity of LGBTQ+. Even when we were passing out posters to promote the week, people were saying, 'What does the Q mean?' They're Googling it. These were people that I thought would probably know what that meant, but they didn't," added Roberts.
Roberts is married and a "badass mother to a very exceptional special needs daughter," but also identifies as pansexual.
"For many years I identified as straight. But I've known that I wasn't for quite a long time," said Roberts. "I am married to a man, and happily so. But I also know that I am not linear. There's a lot of fluidity to me, and it's just ever-evolving.
"With the birth of my daughter five years ago, it really opened my eyes to a lot of discrimination. I began to advocate quite loudly to take down barriers for her. And part of that is taking down barriers for everybody," Roberts said.
"I'm married to a woman in a monogamous relationship, but that doesn't change the fact that that's still who I am and that's my identity," said Kudrinko, describing pansexual as someone who is attracted to an individual, no matter their sex or gender, including people who are intersex, trans or non-binary.
Working with a therapist, Kudrinko decided to stop feeling shame and guilt about his identity, and said he feels relief now.
"The most stressful thing about it was telling my parents. I'd never told my parents. It feels great to be relieved of the burden of a secret. Just to be able to say, this is who I am," said Kudrinko.
Westport Pride
Kudrinko has been especially pleased by the response of his small town.
"The toughest thing about being queer and living in a small town and not being out is when you're in the presence of people who might make a homophobic remark, and you don't say something because you're worried about your truth being exposed," said Kudrinko. "You feel shame. You feel like a fraud."
Kudrinko said the response to his initiative has been positive.
"The support has been amazing. We are a village of 700 people. We already have 300 people following Westport Pride," said Kudrinko.
Town council has indicated it will agree to Westport Pride's request, and is expected to pass it June 1.
"I'm very confident," said Mayor Robin Jones. "Once it's approved on Tuesday, the flag will go up.... It's a real place of honour. I don't know that we've ever flown another flag. It really shows that the council supports what Neil and Jessica are asking for."
Last summer, Westport council passed an anti-discrimination harassment bylaw, and Jones sees the recognition of Pride Week and decision to fly the Pride flag as a natural follow.
"This council believes in putting their money where their mouth is," said Jones.
With files from Christine Maki