An Ottawa burlesque performer reveals her transition tale

Lana Poulson loves being a woman, but the 38-year-old burlesque dancer says it wasn't easy getting there.

Poulson was born male and transitioned 18 years ago, though she says she always felt she was meant to be female, even as a young child.  

"I knew that I was different. I would tell my mom and dad, 'I'm a girl,' and they would say, 'No, you're a boy.'"

I'm able to just be myself, and the audience loves the performance.- Lana Poulson

It wasn't until she was in her teens that Poulson began dressing as a girl — but only among strangers.

"I used to leave [my Toronto-area house] house dressed as a boy, [then change in the GO Train's] unisex bathroom," Poulson recalled. "By the time I got downtown to Toronto, I stepped out as a girl."

Making that change took a lot of courage, she said. 

"I literally gave myself pep talks in the mirror as I was changing. I'm like, 'You can do this, you're pretty,' and, 'You're gorgeous. No one's going to stand in your way.' And honestly, as soon as I would step out, they would either compliment me or catcall me, which totally like made me feel justified."

'Living 2 different lives' 

As time went on, Poulson found it harder to switch between genders.

"I felt like I was living two different lives," she said. "The more I dressed as a female, the more I felt uncomfortable as a male."

Poulson quietly saved up her allowance and started taking hormones at the age of 20. That helped her transition, but it also took an emotional toll during a very stressful time. 

Things got especially tough the night her father found out.

"He started slamming doors and yelling at the top of his lungs. That was definitely one of the scariest moments," she said.

Her parents eventually accepted Poulson's choice.

"It took [my parents] a really long time to come around to be the amazing parents that they are today, [and] to fully accept who I am as their daughter," she said.

Poulson changed many things about her appearance, including growing her hair long, painting her nails and eventually getting breast implants. 

"I'm trying to match how I vision myself on the inside to match the outside," she said. 

Inspiring other trans women 

Poulson has since taken up burlesque dancing. For her, it's a way to express herself, but also a way to inspire other trans women to have the confidence to be anything they choose. 

'[It's a] chance to get out of my comfort zone [by] doing something I thought I would never be able to do," she said. 

"Doing burlesque is scary and it's nerve-racking and it's stressful. But after I get off the stage and I've done my performance, I feel amazing," she said.

"I'm able to just be myself, and the audience loves the performance."

The best thing about being a woman?

"My boobs — everyone loves them, and I do, too."

This piece was put together by digital storyteller Fangliang Xu, who has profiled several members of Ottawa's LGBT community. Here's a note about her motivation:

Growing up in China, I witnessed my lesbian friends not feeling safe to come out. I decided to tell the stories of those in Ottawa's LGBT community, in the hopes of bringing my friends back home some comfort and courage. 

"Be true to yourself" is what Lana has always believed in and practised on during her journey. She is one of many brave people I met and profiled in a series I call Identity Blossoming.