Helplessness, trauma and the 'inevitable consequences' of being a first responder

Staff Sgt. Ben Parry is an 18-year veteran of the RCMP, based in Nova Scotia's Yarmouth County. He and his staff responded to the scene of a devastating house fire on Jan. 7, 2018 in Pubnico Head that claimed the lives of four children between the ages of four months and seven years old.

That fire and the horrific blaze that killed seven children earlier this week in Spryfield are shining a light on the trauma first responders can suffer when coming face-to-face with tragedy.  

Parry shared his memories of that fateful January day in Pubnico Head and spoke of a changing culture among first responders that embraces healthy communication and self-care with the CBC's Carolyn Ray. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

'I'll remember forever'

Responding to a scene like the fire in Pubnico ... it's almost undescribable. Members arrived and there was just the most intense fire and heat, and just the feeling that you know there are people inside but there's nothing you can do to help them.

It sets you on your heels and it's not what you think when you get into this sort of job. You join to help people. And to stand completely futilely and watch something like that unfold, it's difficult for people.

Almost immediately after the fire, we arranged to have our RCMP division's psychologist come to Yarmouth. She met with all the members that were involved in the investigation, all the members that had been to the scene, and we conducted what's called the critical incident debriefing where we talk about the things that we saw, what our role was, and what we've seen in ourselves as an effect in the aftermath.

This is conducted really quickly after the incident. We'd like to get them done within 72 hours or at 72 hours because that lets people come out of the initial stage, but it's still fresh enough in their minds that any sort of negative consequences aren't going to be too deeply entrenched. 

I frequently drive into Pubnico. It's part of our patrol area and it's near my home. And every time I drive past, I always look at the now-empty lot where that house stood. And that's something I know I'll remember forever because ... I don't think you truly get over something like that. You learn to cope with what you saw and what happened.

When you start this career at 19, 20, 21 years old, I think you come into it with a certain amount of naiveté as to not so much what you will see, but how the things you see will affect you.... in my current role, it's very important for me to recognize that the newer people coming in haven't seen as much. And if we can provide better service to them to help them with really what's inevitable consequences of policing, in the end we'll be so much better off and they'll be so much better off.

I try to be a role model as much as I can. I'm not full time on the road as I used to be, but when you have those opportunities to sit down with a junior member, or any member really, and talk about what you saw during that shift, what you saw last week — those conversations go a long way, I think. And I think we are a lot more willing to have those conversations now than we were 20 years ago.

The power of tragedy

On Feb. 18, RCMP in Yarmouth County were called to the scene of a fatal crash on Highway 101. A 20-year-old woman was killed and three other people injured when the car they were in crossed the centre line and struck a parked tractor-trailer.

We had a number of members that attended the scene and it was a bad accident.... when you have members who have to deal with someone that they're looking at, they're actually holding in their hands, and they know that person is going to die — that's a very powerful experience. And then you can't expect people to just let that roll off their back. The days of that expectation are long gone.

This unfortunate young lady in the accident was an exchange student who is studying at Université Sainte-Anne. She was actually from the Democratic Republic of Congo and she had only been in the country for two months.

I didn't realize at the time, but one of the members that responded to the scene came to this country 20 years ago from Guinea as an exchange student. And another member that attended the hospital — on his day off because he knew these children — he, too, came to this country 14 years ago from Senegal as an exchange student.

And that's very powerful because you see yourself in these young people and you realize their parents put them on an airplane to send them away, hopefully to ... a great experience to learn things, to see new things. And you know that young lady will never go home now. And we have to advise her family that what they had hoped for when they put their daughter on that plane is not going to happen.

A changing culture

For years we have upheld this culture of strength and solemnity and detachment. But that's really disingenuous because while we can be strong and we can appear to detach, you just can't ignore the effects that stresses, occupational stresses, will have on you through your career. And we do ourselves a real disservice if we ever suggest to ourselves or to our co-workers that they should just tough through it, they should just get over it, they should just be strong.

There's nothing wrong with embracing your humanity, recognizing that being a party to tragedy hurts you and hurts other people.

I read the news like everyone else. I see the faces. And this is tragedy at its absolute strongest. But as a community, I believe that we can overcome tragedy.- RCMP Staff Sgt. Ben Parry on the Spryfield fire 

And when you're hurt you have to take care of yourself. And we have to take care of each other. And that's something that unfortunately seems to have, in the past, been ignored or glossed over. And I'm happy the culture is changing. It would have been great to see before other people were harmed by their service, but all we can do is move forward and try and do the best we can for ourselves and for the people that we serve in the community because if we're healthy, we're better for them.

You have some really good days, it's not all tragedy fortunately. You get to do a lot of good things, you get to meet a lot of people. And you have to recognize the value of that good work and the good relationships you form.

It's easy to let tragedy try to overshadow success and positivity, and there are times when tragedy will try to get the upper hand. But in the end, if you do good and you try to help people when you can, that's the essence of public service. That's what we should all strive for to some extent in our lives and as police officers. That has to be why you signed on.

Moving forward after Spryfield fire

My heart goes out not only to the first responders, to the family and friends and neighbours that are all affected by this. I read the news like everyone else. I see the faces. And this is tragedy at its absolute strongest. But as a community, I believe that we can overcome tragedy.

We'll never erase its effect, but we can still do good and we can still celebrate the lives that were lived and unfortunately lost too early.