'Be kind to yourself,' says therapist as Nova Scotians head into 2nd COVID Christmas

With a drastic surge of COVID-19 cases driven by Omicron and new restrictions in place just before Christmas, a therapist in Halifax is reminding Nova Scotians to practise self-compassion and look out for one another. 

"Just realizing that we're not OK is OK," clinical traumatologist Kayla Breelove Carter told CBC Radio's Information Morning on Wednesday.

Her interview with host Portia Clark has been edited for clarity and length. 

What's your sense of how well people are coping right now with the surge in cases and everything we need to do to stay safe? 

The first thing to consider is that everyone's behaviour and everyone's reaction to this is absolutely normal. This is a global pandemic. It's a global trauma for a lot of people. We have fear of exposure, along with the potential uncomfortable conversations about family members' vaccination status and mask-wearing etiquette, and all these sort of questions that come up. And also this idea that once more we're going through this again, so it's really important to validate that these are really normal reactions considering the very not normal circumstance. 

What about the sense that we did everything we were asked to do, we've gotten our vaccines, and then along comes Omicron, and we're back in this situation again. What I'm talking about is futility. How would you address that feeling? 

It goes back to the fact that these feelings are normal, but I think it's also important to recognize that there are certain things that we may not necessarily have control over ... Everybody is going through this grief and loss, so the fact that this is coming back up, this is another loss of, 'I thought we were out of the woods. I thought that we had followed all the rules and all these different things.'

It's really about just recognizing that there's a lot of overwhelming emotions that are taking place.

What about that feeling of control or loss of control? What can we focus on in terms of what we can do to make ourselves feel better and cope better?

I think it's important to find space where we can practise self-compassion. We're all suffering and we're all in pain, subjectively ... It's really about finding that space of acceptance. Communication, setting clear expectations, saying no to certain things because we may feel that we don't want to disappoint or we feel that pressure. Taking that step back, because when we create unhealthy boundaries, that can just result in more stress and anger and sadness and anxiety that we're already probably experiencing. 

The biggest piece here is be kind to yourself and try to the best of your ability to practise self-compassion and finding ways to create opportunities to recharge and really reflect on your needs. 

Do you think it's unhealthy to kind of adopt the attitude of everything's fine, it's all going to be fine when you know it might not all be fine? 

It really depends. A lot of times when we say that it's because we're not saying it with intent, right? We're just trying to avoid or distract from the really overwhelming feelings. So in that case, no it's not [healthy] because we're suppressing our emotions. Emotions and feelings are meant to be felt, so even though that it might feel really painful to come to an acceptance or just face the unknown and the discomfort and the overwhelming feelings, you're going to be better off in the long run. Short term, saying everything is fine might feel good, but it has really long-term impacts. 

How do you know when a loved one or friend might be in need of help?

It really depends on the type of person that you might be engaging with. If that particular person used to be really social and tended to be the one that would always talk about the present moment, but if you find them being stuck in the past, how things used to be or wanting to go back or stuck in the future, [they may need help] — if they are pushing away, isolating, talking about things that are really pessimistic.

We have a right to vent, like we're really in difficult circumstances, but if it's sort of repeating the same story, then they may be stuck. They may start showing behaviours as maybe they have less patience or maybe they seem to be just more heavier, not being able to get out of bed or always cancelling plans and things like that. At that point, then it could be helpful — if you have the energy and resources — to check on that individual to see if they're OK.

Where to go for help

If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, Nova Scotia Health offers online mental health services.

The province's toll-free Mental Health Crisis Line is 1-888-429-8167 and available 24 hours, seven days a week. 

People can also contact the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 any time of day.