When loss makes every Christmas a blue Christmas

The holidays are tough on many of us: expensive, stressful and jam-packed. But for some people dealing with the death of a loved one, the holidays can be especially painful.

Kelly Currie and her husband lost their two-year-old daughter Jocelyn in 2005. 

Even though almost 12 years have passed, she said Christmas has never been the same since.

"She was perfectly healthy, until one day she got sick and we took her to the hospital," Currie told CBC's Mainstreet.

Currie and her husband were told Jocelyn had croup, a common childhood illness, and to go home. In fact, the girl had a similar but rare infection known as bacterial tracheitis. She died a short time later as a result.

"Our perfect happy family — it was all gone in an instant," Currie said. "It was just shock, unbelievable sadness. It was years of sadness that no one can imagine."

• Need mental health help now? N.S. emergency lines are open

Getting through the holidays

Currie said when the first Easter without Jocelyn rolled around, she never expected to feel like the only sad person in the room.

"It is shocking that you just think it's another day, but it's very hard because everybody is out celebrating and enjoying themselves."

But in all the years that have passed, Currie and her husband have found ways to cope with the holidays, including trips to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon with fellow bereaved parents.

"That's what we had to do for ourselves, we just needed to be away from it," she said.

Lighting a candle

Currie said it took three years before she and her husband, who have two other children, started putting up a Christmas tree again. John Michael is nine years old and Katherine is eight.  

Although the holidays are still hard, she said they offer a chance to remember Jocelyn in their own way.

"Before we even start Christmas, our family helps organize the bereaved parents' candle lighting," said Currie. It's an annual event held worldwide by the bereavement group Compassionate Friends.

"To hear her name, and to light the candle, it's beautiful. I'm happy."

How to support bereaved loved ones

According to Currie, the best ways that friends and family can support their grieving loved ones include:

• Giving space: "Let people do what they need to do during the holidays. Invite them, but accept the fact they may say 'No.'"
• Welcoming grief: "The hardest thing about the holidays is other people's expectations of you. They're happy, and they want you to be happy. Giving permission to others to be sad is huge."
• Be supportive: "Check in. Avoid clichés. When in doubt, offer a hug."

For anyone experiencing depression or a mental health crisis this holiday season, lines are open at the province's mental health crisis line: 1-888-429-8167.