How to talk to your kids about wildfires burning in Nova Scotia

As multiple wildfires burn across Nova Scotia, many parents might be wondering how to talk to their children about the devastating effects and how to make sense of it.

Some families have lost their homes and businesses in the fires, and many others have been displaced for days due to evacuation orders, disrupting routines.

Dr. Christine Chambers is a Canada Research Chair in children's pain and a professor of psychology, neuroscience and pediatrics at Dalhousie University in Halifax.

As a mother herself, Chambers said it's important to be honest with your children.

She spoke with CBC Information Morning Nova Scotia host Portia Clark on Thursday to offer some advice to parents.

Their conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

In general, how would you say these wildfires could be affecting kids across Nova Scotia?

We know that wildfires, just like any other kind of major event, major traumatic event, can cause emotional distress, as well as physical damage, and it really depends on how immediately impacted different children and youth are. Obviously, many children and youth have been directly impacted by the fire and have been evacuated. Some children and families have lost their homes. 

But I think it's safe to say that every child in Nova Scotia right now is aware of the fires and has worries and concerns, so it really does vary on how directly impacted the child is.

So it could be trauma, but it could also be a feeling of insecurity, and has been prolonged. How does that affect things?

You're right. There is a large degree of uncertainty and unpredictability and this is also new for us in Nova Scotia. We're accustomed to preparing for hurricanes. This is really something new that probably most children and families have never discussed and so it's raising a lot of concern. 

Just that level of uncertainty and unfamiliarity can be very stressful for children and their families.

How do you address that uncertainty, how to ease that if you're a parent or caregiver or you're around kids?

It's really important to remember that there's really no right or wrong way to react to a situation like this. Everyone reacts differently and will recover in their own way. It's really important to spend time talking with your children — this will let them know that it's OK to ask questions and to express concerns.

And because things are constantly changing, children may have questions on more than one occasion, so it's really important to provide those continued opportunities. It's also important to just answer questions briefly and honestly, and ask kids for their opinions and ideas about what's being discussed. 

Those are just a few ideas. Generally, just being honest and just acknowledging the uncertainty is important.

We heard from one of the daycare operators whose daycare has burned down that she's not allowing people to see the location. Any advice around letting kids look at media of some of the burned sites?

It's certainly really important to be aware of what kids are listening to, what kids are seeing. Many of us have the radio on and in some cases that can be helpful. It's really important just to really reflect on, you know your child best, you know what's useful, what's going to be potentially harmful versus not, and asking children in advance for what would be helpful.

I've been having conversations with my four kids this week about the fires and even though we haven't been directly impacted — asking them for what information they feel comfortable having and how they want to hear about it. 

And also keep in mind that children's reactions to wildfires and really their reactions to many events in life are strongly influenced by how parents and other trusted adults in their lives react, so really make sure parents and families are getting the support they need during this extraordinary time.

If you're in the situation of having lost your home and all your children's belongings, how do you deal with that situation? 

It's an incredibly painful experience and children are particularly sentimental and very attached to their belongings and their homes, and there will be a grieving process and I think really acknowledging that loss and grief for children. It will take a while, just accepting that process just like the loss of a loved one. Children and families will go through all those stages of grief as they come to terms.

I think also trying to emphasize the silver linings wherever you can see them, which is being safe, physically safe, really trying to connect with new opportunities, new rituals.

I've been receiving texts and Facebook messages from people looking for sporting materials for their kids because they have important events coming up and I think trying to find the opportunity to have normalcy and connecting with the things that really matter to children through this incredible period of disruption and stress is important.

You mentioned it there about the safety issue. There have been, to our knowledge, no injuries, but minimizing, I'm sure, isn't the route to go by saying, "It's only stuff," because their stuff is so important to them.

Yeah, and that's part of that, just acknowledging. It's hard sometimes to put yourself back into your eight-year-old shoes or your 12-year-old shoes. These are devastating events for adults, but children are particularly attached to belongings and transitional items, so just not minimizing, not under-acknowledging, not trying to be overly positive. This is a tragic situation and we need to give children and families the space to grieve and to acknowledge that.

For kids who know people who've lost their homes, maybe their friends at school, how might they help in that situation?

I think checking in with people. I've seen lots of offers from people trying to help and I think just asking what would be helpful, because everyone is in a different situation with access to different types of support. Those people who are in a position to help are trying to find ways to do so.

What about just explaining why they can't go to their favourite spots? You can't be in the woods right now. I guess there's a learning opportunity around fire risks that maybe kids hadn't thought about before?

Exactly. I think just explaining to children the risk and that we're really just trying to ensure that our firefighters and our first responders can focus on the fires right now. I will say that that is a source of grief for kids to have events cancelled and not be able to go places, as it brings back memories of many of the experiences children and families had during the COVID-19 lockdowns.

So it's important to acknowledge our children and families have experienced a lot and given up a lot the last few years, and so this is just yet another stressor to layer on to that and one that is having a devastating impact for many people.