'Like-minded people understand': Men's talking circle starts in Yellowknife for residential school survivors

A chance to share, a chance to heal: that's the goal of a new men's talking circle for residential schools survivors in Yellowknife.

The talking circle starts Friday night at 7:30 p.m. at the The Northwest Territories/Nunavut Council of Friendship Centres at 5125 48 Street. It's the first of what organizers hope will be a regular occurrence.

CBC's Marc Winkler spoke with Paul Andrew, a Dene elder and residential school survivor who is facilitating the event along with Darryl Cook, to find out more.

This interview has been edited for clarity and length.

What's going to be happening this evening?

This is one of those that we're starting initially as a social event, just to gauge interest. I think there are a lot of people interested in being with other like-minded people, particularly when it comes to residential schools, and so that's what we'll be doing tonight. Hopefully, down the road, the plan is to continue to meet on a regular basis just to have a social event with former students.

Tell me about the need that exists for something like this.

I believe there are some traumas that people do not get over. You can do everything you can, try to get over it as much as you possibly can, but it's almost impossible to do that. You may manage it, you may be able to live a fairly normal life with it, but it does come back to haunt you.

I think it's really important that people who experience these symptoms know they're not alone, that a lot of us may be going through those kinds of things and it's important that they know recovery is possible. It's just important to be with people that have gone through the same kind of things.

Are healing groups like this a lifelong activity someone might pursue?

Definitely. I think recovery is a lifelong journey, and it can be long, arduous and difficult — or it could be if you're trying to do it alone. But if you're with like-minded people, you seek some professional help, we might be able to make it much easier than that. And I think one of the things that we're hoping to do is say to all the people who are showing up, "These are services that are available out there."

There's AA, Al-Alon, Narcotics Anonymous. These are professional helps that are available out there, so we want to make sure former students are aware of all the services and programs that are available. But you're right, it is a lifelong journey.

You mentioned the importance of being around like-minded people. Can you tell me more about that? What does that do for an individual?

A few years ago, I really did not like Christmas — and I didn't know why. I was really having a hard time. By November, I was getting antsy and I could not understand what that was all about. I mentioned it to a friend of mine who was also a former student, and he said, "You know, Christmas time, people whose parents could afford it sent their kids home." And he said, "There are those of us who had to stay at residential schools, and those are the people that feel the way you're feeling."

And all of a sudden, it made a lot of sense. That's what I was feeling, you know? And this guy who told me that is one of the former students who we had to spend Christmas with while our friends were gone.

Some triggers happen in so many different ways — relationships, both professional and personal, and sometimes we don't know what that is all about. But like-minded people understand. Like-minded people know about fear, anger, loneliness, and they can help.

What made you want to be involved in organizing this?

Over the years that I've been trying to work on my own recovery, I've often thought of my teammates, classmates, roommates, and how many of them did not make it. I always wondered why, and I always wondered if I could have helped them somehow.

Nowadays, there's a lot of anger that is going on. The violence that happened in Saskatchewan, even the Pope's visit, those conjure up some pretty powerful emotions; emotions that a lot of the time we don't know how to handle. So, one of the things I have really benefited from myself is not only getting professional help, but also being with people that know it's OK to be angry, it's OK to be afraid. It's OK, we still like you. And it's important that people — and it's really important for me, also — that we're no longer victims. We're beyond the victim stage.

We hear there might be music at these meetings?

One of the things that I think is really important, particularly for tonight, we're going to try to do more of a social event. One of the things that the residential schools did for us is we learned to play guitar and various other musical instruments. I'm hoping people will bring some yearbooks and musical instruments to make it a good social gathering at the start, and talk about some of the things we're talking about right now.